I Am In Love With Someone I Can't Have
I am in love,with someone I cant have. it took me months to just even recognize the feelings, how can I love somebody I never thought I would even like? a complete opposite to what I always look for. Maybe it was the dimples. I kept myself in denial. It was impossible, I was in a relationship before, and I never felt anything remotely close. how can I love an almost stranger? I was being stupid. its not love.
Then came the D-day, when I lost this stranger, I was unwittingly in love with, to another stranger. A beautiful, equally perfect girl. I couldn't comprehend the heartbreak. I couldn't understand the pain in chest that wont let me breathe or the psycho attacks. I drove him further away.
One fine day,a few weeks hence, we reconciled. I was feeling myself again, I could smile and laugh. But like every beautiful tapestry, this too had a dark underside. One I tried to ignore for a while, following my heart blindly. It worked for a while, I was happy, we both were, and that's what matters right? Boy, was I wrong. I started feeling guilty for this unknown girl, the one my perfect guy belongs to, by decree of god, love and law. He was the answer to her prayers, not mine. (man upstairs has some serious hearing issues when it comes to my prayers). I may love him, he can't reciprocate. Poor guy, tried to make it work, as best as he could. But I couldn't follow my heart and kick my morals, I cant hurt somebody knowingly. But I can hurt myself. I have no qualms about it, in fact, I am pretty darn good at it. So I am goona do exactly that. I hope he is happy forever, get my share of it too, cz its all his, he is my happiness. (cheesy much?? must be all that pizza with extra cheese I ate last week, geez!)
So,thats how another "love (lame?) story" ends. He is nowhere close to what I think is "perfect guy" (that would always be you, PoP). But he is my perfect guy, one I could see myself with. one I could never be with. now I need to stay strong and get my butt out of fairy-tales and stop identifying myself with these. Get into real world, where there are no happily ever-afters.
Then came the D-day, when I lost this stranger, I was unwittingly in love with, to another stranger. A beautiful, equally perfect girl. I couldn't comprehend the heartbreak. I couldn't understand the pain in chest that wont let me breathe or the psycho attacks. I drove him further away.
One fine day,a few weeks hence, we reconciled. I was feeling myself again, I could smile and laugh. But like every beautiful tapestry, this too had a dark underside. One I tried to ignore for a while, following my heart blindly. It worked for a while, I was happy, we both were, and that's what matters right? Boy, was I wrong. I started feeling guilty for this unknown girl, the one my perfect guy belongs to, by decree of god, love and law. He was the answer to her prayers, not mine. (man upstairs has some serious hearing issues when it comes to my prayers). I may love him, he can't reciprocate. Poor guy, tried to make it work, as best as he could. But I couldn't follow my heart and kick my morals, I cant hurt somebody knowingly. But I can hurt myself. I have no qualms about it, in fact, I am pretty darn good at it. So I am goona do exactly that. I hope he is happy forever, get my share of it too, cz its all his, he is my happiness. (cheesy much?? must be all that pizza with extra cheese I ate last week, geez!)
So,thats how another "love (lame?) story" ends. He is nowhere close to what I think is "perfect guy" (that would always be you, PoP). But he is my perfect guy, one I could see myself with. one I could never be with. now I need to stay strong and get my butt out of fairy-tales and stop identifying myself with these. Get into real world, where there are no happily ever-afters.
