I Love Hugs

I apologise if my account name scares you, but I do put myself out there, unfortunately I know the people around here and in order for me to get any form of affection I will have to change who I am (people don't tend to like the goth look round here, you are more likely to be 'approachable' if you wear generic jeans and t-shirts found in high street stores)....

@Skele-pop666: No need to apologize. It was my way of jokingly addressing that point. If you present yourself in a way that your society doesn't accept, you won't get much attention so you might need to change one of the two. You'd be surprised how many people you wouldn't think like goth actually do. The thing is, MANY women also spread the perception that they are using goth as a warning sign to stay away.

The only way is to change the town I'm living in. I'm stuck here for at least 7 years though. I guess I just have to change everything about me and live a lie, surrounded by people who only like me for who they think I am, risking them leaving as soon as I show any of my true colours.

@Skele-pop666: You don't have to be so extreme and never ever give up who you are. A little conformity won't kill you however. What I'm saying is be more approachable. OK so you're goth. SO what. Are you friendly? Do you smile? Do you involve yourself with the community? Is the person inside that goth outfit being a good person in ways others see? That's what will get you attention. Focusing on 'I"m goth' only identifies your interest in cosmetics. (through the perception it gives off, I know it is more but people in your town might not)

The world has changed. People walk around with severe burns on half their face, a prosthetic leg that is just a bent piece of carbon fiber, etc. No one cares anymore. It is about how you behave that distinguishes you.

((((((HUGS)))))

No you don't scare me. :D

I do do that stuff, I smile, I say hello to people and show politeness when I communicate, I try to talk to other parents when I pick up my kid from school, I've recently done a load of voluntary kids/ charity discos in a local pub, I used to work in a charity shop, I often try to keep homeless people company (I used to do that more, but I still do it when I can now). People just see the make up or the clothes and think I'm just seeking out my next virgin sacrifice.
Some days it doesn't bother me, but a lot of the time I just feel so damn lonely and unlovable.

@Skele-pop666: Ok. I'm sorry. I had to put that out there because I didn't know if you have been or not. Some communities are less accepting than others. There is a distinction between goth and openly being a satan worshiper. Not sure how much that plays into your attire. So that might be the deal breaker in your town. Religions draw hard lines in that respect.

You might have to change communities to truly find a place you fit in but if your kid is in school there, I understand why you would stay. I'd do the same thing. For now, see if you can find an on line community that might link back to some locals as well or nearby where you could travel a bit to hang out. But don't give up on who you are. From what you've said, you are doing more than the average person does in and for the community.

I'm a part of a lot of 'communities,' conforming to each without ever giving up on who I am. Key is to show that you accept them too. So I had to accept them as much as I wanted them to accept me. By always drawing a line between you and 'them' you never show that you accept them either.

Sorry if I'm rambling. I'm hoping it helps. I don't like hearing about anyone who isn't accepted for who they are.

that's ok. I know you're only trying to help. I think it is a little.
I try to accept others, I don't judge people or anything (although I do try to avoid hanging out with a lot of people who do drugs etc, but that's only because I am an ex-addict with a lot to lose, not because of them personally). Around here though, being goth automatically puts you under the 'satan worshipper' category.
Unfortunately I can't travel far either as i don't drive and public transport can be really expensive around here.

@Skele-pop666: I only brought up the satan thing because I saw the 666 in your name. Again, I don't know much about you yet so try to glean what I can.

At least you can join groups on line to fit in and maybe on occasion, go to a convention or hang outs when they happen.

To give you an idea of the odd mix I live... I'm a Christian, a biker, a Cuban who is with a Norse woman and I work in the tech industry. I'm also into Steam Punk. But I make it work by a bit of conformity with each group and I don't judge.

You might have to do a little conformity to get along in that town. But don't hide who you are or stop being who you are.

I can see your point :) but I thank you for not judging me and for actually trying to understand my position on the subject :)
That seems like a fun mix.

I'm trying to conform, I'm just afraid that in order to fit in I need to take up drugs or alcohol again (our town was notorious for having a lot of pubs, in fact, in the 1960s it was recorded as having the second-highest number of pubs per square mile in England, which for a small town was considered impressive. I don't think we have such a high ranking now, but it's probably close, so you can tell what our favourite activity is here)

@Skele-pop666: My pleasure Skele. :) You should see our dinner table... I'm Christian and so is my 13 year old son. My GF is undeclared when it comes to God, Her two sons: One is Agnostic and the other is Hindu. We all get along well.

Doing drugs to Fit in is BS. When I'm hanging around bikers, some do drugs, I just pass it to the next person. I don't judge those who smoke and they don't judge me. Acceptance is key.

I'll tell you a little more about my life so you can see there are so interesting possibilities when you don't judge:

My son and I go over to my girlfriend's first husband's parents house for Thanksgiving. We sit at the table as family. Her ex husband and his sisters and their families come to our house for Christmas.

My ex girlfriend and I chat regularly. We have a mutual daughter. That relationship predates my marriage of 12 years. (of which I am now divorced of coarse.. with a GF)

You'd be surprised at what acceptance and NOT judging can do for society. But we have to be just as accepting as we expect others to be. We DON'T have to change who we are at all.