I Am Craving Physical Contact

OK, so I'm 56 years old and have been married for nearly 35 years. Problem is, the last 10 years of my union with my dear wife have been almost entirely devoid of intimate contact. The last 6 years has been a complete dry spell.

I have tried talking with her about this but it pretty much always comes back to her same response: "I'm sorry, but I'm just not interested in that anymore." It is frustrating because she just does not seem to want to even try to make it any better.

I guess I could understand her disinterest if I were hateful or abusive or a slovenly couch potato type, but I have worked very hard to take care of myself. And I more than hold up my end when it comes to the day-to-day stuff around home. I feel very much unappreciated but I'm afraid I'm way too old to consider divorce.

Anybody got any suggestions?

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PoetryNEmotion · F

Enough excuses. I have read the comments. Sexless Marriage forum was the largest group on EP. Do you know that not one single person who has left their sexless marriage has ever regretted it? I am one of the many who left. I am happier now than before. Cost me severely in terms of finances, etc. I have been free for 5 years this March coming. I spent years thinking it was first my fault, then realizing it was his. All those years wasted. Time is something you cannot magically get back. I have an amazing adult son and valuable lessons. There are many in those sinking boats like you. Can you exist the rest of your life like this or do you want to live? Only you can answer that question. Because when you take your last precious breath on this fine earth, you will be the one who is already dead long before. If she cared for you, if she loved you, she would do something to change the circumstances. She is a refuser who knows you will not leave. Easy peasy for her. Not good for you. You always have choices. Choose wisely. Withholding intimacy is a form of abuse. Tell her that and watch her become angry at the truth.

Spartan92 · 61-69, M

@PoetryNEmotion I have told her that and, yes she became angry and even said, "How dare you!" I sometimes wish I was brave as you and had the nerve to leave. But despite everything, I have always prided myself on being a man of my word and that includes my marriage vows. Even if she's not living up to the part where we said, "to have and to hold."

Also, I guess I have seen too many men leave their marriage only to step into a second relationship that was just as bad or worse than the first. The good news is that pretty much everything else in our life together is great or at least tolerable. But this complete lack of sex and intimacy makes a guy feel pretty low.

PoetryNEmotion · F

@Spartan92 The truth hurts. She is an abuser. I couldn't exist that way anymore. I will live a great many years still. What could be worse than remaining in a cold relationship til death claimed one of us? Nothing! Well, she needn't worry then. She has you right where she wants you. She broke the vows-you said that, not me.
And regarding your second comment? It is not about stepping into another relationship. It is about discovering who you are meant to be. That is real happiness. If one finds another to love, it is a bonus. And having secured freedom, one becomes more selective about having someone in their life. Then I imagine you will have decades of feeling low, my friend. I wish you luck. If you ever decide to be free, let me know and we can chat. I wish you peace.