I Am Craving Physical Contact

OK, so I'm 56 years old and have been married for nearly 35 years. Problem is, the last 10 years of my union with my dear wife have been almost entirely devoid of intimate contact. The last 6 years has been a complete dry spell.

I have tried talking with her about this but it pretty much always comes back to her same response: "I'm sorry, but I'm just not interested in that anymore." It is frustrating because she just does not seem to want to even try to make it any better.

I guess I could understand her disinterest if I were hateful or abusive or a slovenly couch potato type, but I have worked very hard to take care of myself. And I more than hold up my end when it comes to the day-to-day stuff around home. I feel very much unappreciated but I'm afraid I'm way too old to consider divorce.

Anybody got any suggestions?

This page is a permanent link to the reply below and its nested replies. See all post replies »

Lochlee · 51-55, F

It is not normal behaviour, and by this I mean something must be causing it. Might she have a hormonal imbalance? I know increased progesterone (that was an ingredient of some contraceptives) had that effect on women. She is not being fair to you, sex is an important part of a relationship, and can only be "foregone" if BOTH want it that way. I don't quite know what to suggest, perhaps you could insist on some form of intimacy and hope she "comes around". But as an outsider, I don't know how open you are discussing things and how open she would be to getting medical/psychological help. Best wishes.

Spartan92 · 61-69, M

@Lochlee Thanks for the suggestions, but those have been tried/considered. She refuses to try any kind of hormone therapy because she insists (I think she is wrong) that a family member of hers tried that and it "caused her to get cancer." A few years ago she went to a (woman) doctor and they initially said they found some kind of lump or tumor in or near her female organs. I thought that this might be the source of the problem so I had hopes it could be treated. On a follow-up visit about a month later the doctor did not find anything and told her, "there is nothing wrong with you. You're fine and perfectly healthy."

I thought, great! So does having a zero-libido classify as healthy! So what it comes down to is she doesn't see anything wrong with our current situation. She is perfectly OK with it. But then she isn't the one that sees anything missing.