I Am Feeling Heartbroken
This week has barely begun yet I cannot wait for it to be over. The start of it has left me reeling and gasping for air. Right now my heart is broken in several pieces.
The person I have been dreaming of for so long asks me to give us a shot, but I can't take it. I'm with someone else, and in that moment everything comes back. It happened when I was in the store when I got that message and I froze right there in the middle of the soda isle. All the feelings I had bottled up for him slam back inside my chest. What I thought purged my heart of suddenly comes back without much warning. So for the past two nights I've been crying trying to give the person I'm with a shot, because that's what he asked of me. Don't get me wrong I have feelings for this person I'm with, but nothing compared to the torch I carry for him.
I feel so unbelievably evil right now. I don't want to hurt anybody, but I cannot stand this feeling either. Right now I want so badly to be in his arms, not the person I'm dating, and hear him say how much of a dork I am for over-thinking. Then hear him say exactly how he feels rather than hiding it to spare me any more pain. What he probably does not know is not being with him after finding how he wants to be together hurts so much more than I could have imagined. It's wrong to keep the person I'm with on a string with falseness, and if this feeling of pain continues I'll likely break it off. Not for him though, for the person I'm with, and for myself. They both deserve better than me.
The person I have been dreaming of for so long asks me to give us a shot, but I can't take it. I'm with someone else, and in that moment everything comes back. It happened when I was in the store when I got that message and I froze right there in the middle of the soda isle. All the feelings I had bottled up for him slam back inside my chest. What I thought purged my heart of suddenly comes back without much warning. So for the past two nights I've been crying trying to give the person I'm with a shot, because that's what he asked of me. Don't get me wrong I have feelings for this person I'm with, but nothing compared to the torch I carry for him.
I feel so unbelievably evil right now. I don't want to hurt anybody, but I cannot stand this feeling either. Right now I want so badly to be in his arms, not the person I'm dating, and hear him say how much of a dork I am for over-thinking. Then hear him say exactly how he feels rather than hiding it to spare me any more pain. What he probably does not know is not being with him after finding how he wants to be together hurts so much more than I could have imagined. It's wrong to keep the person I'm with on a string with falseness, and if this feeling of pain continues I'll likely break it off. Not for him though, for the person I'm with, and for myself. They both deserve better than me.
26-30, F
