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I Am Heartbroken Right Now

I was a bad person in my last relationship. I did so many things that hurt my ex for revenge on what he did to me and I never stopped. I broke up with him and found myself shortly after, in another relationship. I wasnt ready but it felt so right and he pursued me like no other and said he would wait til i was ready. Maybe i wasnt ready but we ended up together. I found myself totally and completely in love with this man. I didnt even know i could love like that again. He was the best thing to me. We were making arrangments for him to move in soon. We broke up 2 saturdays ago. I gave him another chance. A few days later we had another issue but i stayed still. I was even happier than when we first got together. The kisses were better, the love was greater, the fun we had was even more fun and only for these two weeks. Last night he texted me that he had to leave bcuz of him n not bcuz of me. He left a letter with a rose and the key to my place. I didnt read the letter cuz i dont want to feel worse than i already do. I will read it when I feel alive again and strong enough to read what could be the worst thing ever idk. I feel like karma really did a huge number on me. I was so happy then we broke up then i was even happier than before when we got back together just to have my heart broken harder. I guess what im saying is, dont be a shitty person cuz what u think is ur karma, probably wasnt. This right here is brutal and if its not my karma, god help me, I cant imagine anything being worse right now. Damn....
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SW-User
This was heartbreaking to read. I wasn't the good person in my last relationship. How i lost her she was perfect. Here's to being the bad guy and learning from it :/ *sends drink*
Lovli12 · 26-30, F
Aww man. He was so perfect too with all his flaws. I wanted to help him be a better person all the way around. I learned my lesson already but i guess i was meant to have a harder heartbreak. I'll take that drink.
SW-User
@Xtina12: glad to share a drink.
She was perfect as well, totally innocent had a history of being hurt already and I'm just another notch to her. I was selfish. I suppose I'm gonna have to look even harder.
Lovli12 · 26-30, F
@AzAKStudent: yea it was the same here. I had a long history of heartbreak and I guess he was selfish and maybe he just didn't want to hurt me more than he already did. Who knows, that letter probably says he got someone pregnant. Lol I like to think the worst. I hope u find someone. I'll be single forever. I can't go through this again. :)
SW-User
@Xtina12: Yeah I didn't want to hurt her more than i already did and I tried to end it in a way less than noble. Didn't work. Ha I didn't get anyone pregnant. Yeah, single for me for the time being until I figure myself out :) I won't go through it for awhile at least I'm trying.
Lovli12 · 26-30, F
@AzAKStudent: yeah well good luck. I'm turning away everyone.
SW-User
@Xtina12: Ah gotcha, I hope not to be approached because I ruin good things. Good luck too
Lovli12 · 26-30, F
Oh man so do I. Wonder if it was me that ruined it or if it was karma. Lol
SW-User
Lol oh man, I want to wonder that but It was definitely me ha judge rules. I'm charged :(
Lovli12 · 26-30, F
Lol yeaaaaa maybe he got scared of all the stories about my ex n all the things I did. But then again, there's karma. I hope u did learn too cuz women are extremely emotional. As evidenced here lol.
SW-User
@Xtina12: awe maybe he did, too much emotion can be hurtful sometimes. Yeah karma could have swooped in and been like, take that you had this coming. Lol I did learn from it. Now it's a matter of applying what I learned after being a horrible boyfriend.
Lovli12 · 26-30, F
Yea me too. I've learned so much too
SW-User
@Xtina12: then all we have to do is apply it when it comes to the next relationship. When were ready
Lovli12 · 26-30, F
@AzAKStudent: yeaaaaa in 65322567 years man lol
SW-User
@Xtina12: Lol, I'm not doing the math on age. "Not this lifetime" might be better? Lol
Lovli12 · 26-30, F
@AzAKStudent: Lmao oh yeah. Not at all.
SW-User
@Xtina12: lol, just a suggestion. Same here, I'm fine I guess.
Lovli12 · 26-30, F
@AzAKStudent: self repair and growth I guess is all we can do
SW-User
@Xtina12: this is true, I've been doing that since she left me. Not well though
Lovli12 · 26-30, F
@AzAKStudent: it's a process. Idk how I'm going to do it but I'm so hoping it goes faster than I expect. Just hopes
SW-User
@Xtina12: Yeah, still there's that hesitation, also the idea that you may not find someone that was that perfect. That's probably the scariest part.
Lovli12 · 26-30, F
@AzAKStudent: that's definitely the scariest part. I want nothing less but I keep trying to tell myself if I could have someone that perfect even for a split second, I can find better. But then I wake up. Lol idk
SW-User
@Xtina12: Lol don't you just not want to wake up? Like live in that fantasy of who you found? Ugh lol