And in between all these wonderful moments I am living, I feel sad and heartbroken. Just a little bit you know.

I wanted that man. He felt special, like he can hold me, and I am not easy to hold, with all that liquidity and all that movement. But he didn't want to. That felt sad.

Yesterday night I was crying to sleep. I haven't had that happening for quite sometime. I won't say I missed it though, I'd be lying.

I mean in the end none is all that special, either him or I. But I am so hard to approach.
I am very easy to make friends and to approach in the outer circle. But it is hard to allow someone in to my inner circle. And he made it there, but then, he didn't like it, or who knows, maybe he didn't even want it.

He blamed me for being too submissive he wrote. Without knowing him.
He is trying to protect me from himself it feels.

Or maybe it is the Universe protecting me and not allowing him closer altogether.

None cares for these, but I need to write them.

💜