I have feelings for this girl, but have never told her anything
So, I started this account to vent, and I definitely need someone to tell me how stupid I am one way or the other (this will be long and mostly me ranting because I need it).
I have known this girl for more than10 years, she is smart, pretty, shorty cosplayer with bit of a short fuse and big hart for animals, I swere I feal our frendship came out of noware, we perfectly alined with our sence of humor and personalities, I met her visiting a friend at a small anime store and ad firts was just a frendly hello, and we talked nothing out of the ordenary she was frendly i was frendly, but that started to grow prety fast, she trusted me and talked about the problems at the store, (she was a partner there, and my friend only an employe) and the isues she had with the cuple handeling the store, I woud listen and try to advised her as best I cound, any ways that develop in us hanging out going to the movies, to eat, small anime expos. I was in a slump when I met her, and this just distracted me perfectly from all the nothing in my head. I was… not happy, I guess, but not miserable at that time. Not like before.
she is a bit of a workaholic, so for a time she actually got lost, like no contact with anyone; I barely saw her. That time was when she got the idea to actually be a presenter in these small anime and video game events. And that is when it happened. I became her go-to guy; she needed help with an event, and I was there. got really good at it too, except for her Mac; I hate Apple, and so it went for the next couple of years. We never dated, just went out as friends. I knew of some dates she had, but that fizzled out pretty quickly, as did I, nothing big, but some were in between all that. I started to see her in a different light.
The problem was I knew I was not her type, she would never see me that way. and I did not want the relationship to become awkward and uncomfortable. So I said nothing. and carried on. in hindsight. I should have tried to be in a relationship with someone. if I knew she would not accept my feelings, but I guess I got… comfortable, she was enough as she was, my friend. presents on B-day and Christmas, dinners; we always fought on whose turn it was to pay; she always got mad when I got my money/card ready first; hotel rooms she reserved because of the side gig for being a presenter at these events; and we always slept in the same room. separate beds. and I have always been respectful; she trusts me very much and would never dare do anything to make her lose her trust in me. to be able to have her close, kiss her forehead, give her a hug, call her a pet name I had for her (that I will not mention here).
and then, of course, it all changed. or I would not be here listening to sad songs as I write this trying to make myself cry because I need it so bad.
it started on feb as she turn down an invitation to the movies, nothing weird about that, she gets bussy from time to time, but then the Valentine's post started. at first I thought she had tried to be with someone or was liking someone but was rejected, and all the posts from that point on were about heartbreak and how she was going to end up alone and a kat lady, I even texted her about it, but said she was fine and simply laughed it off as just posts, that combo was confusing, as later on she started to ask about how to like a guy on different posts, (what makes a girl unattractive, stuff like that) then she finally called me and she dropped a bomb. not only was she seeing a guy, but she may also accept a job offer across the state.
and now here I am, with a feeling of an empty yet heavy heart, I have no clue how the guy and the job offer relate, all I know is that this weekend she took a trip to who knows where and has posted no pictures,
so yes this is my pathetic story, and I have no idea how to feel or deal with what I AM feeling, do I tell her how I feel about her, will that at least ease this feeling? do I cut contact? do I make an effort to stay the same. And if I do tell her, how do I go about it.
I have known this girl for more than10 years, she is smart, pretty, shorty cosplayer with bit of a short fuse and big hart for animals, I swere I feal our frendship came out of noware, we perfectly alined with our sence of humor and personalities, I met her visiting a friend at a small anime store and ad firts was just a frendly hello, and we talked nothing out of the ordenary she was frendly i was frendly, but that started to grow prety fast, she trusted me and talked about the problems at the store, (she was a partner there, and my friend only an employe) and the isues she had with the cuple handeling the store, I woud listen and try to advised her as best I cound, any ways that develop in us hanging out going to the movies, to eat, small anime expos. I was in a slump when I met her, and this just distracted me perfectly from all the nothing in my head. I was… not happy, I guess, but not miserable at that time. Not like before.
she is a bit of a workaholic, so for a time she actually got lost, like no contact with anyone; I barely saw her. That time was when she got the idea to actually be a presenter in these small anime and video game events. And that is when it happened. I became her go-to guy; she needed help with an event, and I was there. got really good at it too, except for her Mac; I hate Apple, and so it went for the next couple of years. We never dated, just went out as friends. I knew of some dates she had, but that fizzled out pretty quickly, as did I, nothing big, but some were in between all that. I started to see her in a different light.
The problem was I knew I was not her type, she would never see me that way. and I did not want the relationship to become awkward and uncomfortable. So I said nothing. and carried on. in hindsight. I should have tried to be in a relationship with someone. if I knew she would not accept my feelings, but I guess I got… comfortable, she was enough as she was, my friend. presents on B-day and Christmas, dinners; we always fought on whose turn it was to pay; she always got mad when I got my money/card ready first; hotel rooms she reserved because of the side gig for being a presenter at these events; and we always slept in the same room. separate beds. and I have always been respectful; she trusts me very much and would never dare do anything to make her lose her trust in me. to be able to have her close, kiss her forehead, give her a hug, call her a pet name I had for her (that I will not mention here).
and then, of course, it all changed. or I would not be here listening to sad songs as I write this trying to make myself cry because I need it so bad.
it started on feb as she turn down an invitation to the movies, nothing weird about that, she gets bussy from time to time, but then the Valentine's post started. at first I thought she had tried to be with someone or was liking someone but was rejected, and all the posts from that point on were about heartbreak and how she was going to end up alone and a kat lady, I even texted her about it, but said she was fine and simply laughed it off as just posts, that combo was confusing, as later on she started to ask about how to like a guy on different posts, (what makes a girl unattractive, stuff like that) then she finally called me and she dropped a bomb. not only was she seeing a guy, but she may also accept a job offer across the state.
and now here I am, with a feeling of an empty yet heavy heart, I have no clue how the guy and the job offer relate, all I know is that this weekend she took a trip to who knows where and has posted no pictures,
so yes this is my pathetic story, and I have no idea how to feel or deal with what I AM feeling, do I tell her how I feel about her, will that at least ease this feeling? do I cut contact? do I make an effort to stay the same. And if I do tell her, how do I go about it.
41-45, M
