I Have a Broken Heart
I was in a relationship with a man who was 10 years older than me for 3 years. I was 25 he was 35. We met each other at a bar- I immediately fell head over heals for him, he seemed very charming, very intelligent (he knew a lot about the world and was interested in art, different cultures), good looking and well mannered. We seemed to have lots in common at the time and he was very polite – always asking me if he could hold my hand, open the door for me, etc. As time went by I found out that he had recently broken up with his previous gf that he dated for 10 years. This sort of made me feel uneasy seeing as I later found out that they had only broken up 4 months before we met.
We started having problems when a few months into the relationship – supposedly his ex gf was in town. While we were walking around the city center he asked me to walk slightly in front of him to avoid hurting his ex gf as he had not told her that he was seeing someone new. At the time I found this very hurtful but tried to understand his point of view.
At the beginning of our relationship I shared many photos on social media of us together and I was always puzzled why he would never want to be tagged in them or post any. He would always say that he needed more time to pass before he post any pictures because his ex gf was still in pain after their long relationship. Again I tried to understand and I did not want to put anyone else through pain having been in a previous relationship myself. We broke up several times the first year of our relationship for silly reasons that were easily fixable and each time he asked me to delete all the pictures I had posted of us. It made me feel sad so I decided to avoid posting other pictures of us together. This later annoyed him after two years of dating- he was puzzled to why I wouldn't post any more pictures. He thought I was hiding him but I just didn't feel comfortable posting pictures anymore after the way he acted in the past. But he didn't understand, he was sure I was seeing someone else.
At the time I was finishing medical sciences at University and modeling. My bf was not so happy about that. He told me that I was wasting my time modeling.. That instead of doing something constructive with my time, like reading a book I prefer taking photos, being on social media, etc. I did not have enough knowledge about everything the way that he did and he always made me notice that I do not know enough about the world. I appreciated that about him but at the same time it made me feel like I was inferior and didn’t know much about anything.
I remember one weekend he invited me to meet his parents, I did not feel ready seeing as it had only been 4 months that we started dating and I didn’t feel comfortable yet seeing as he had mentioned a few times that they grew affectionate to his ex gf. It was very important for me that I make a good impression and that they didn’t see me as an intruder in their home. A few times when I went to visit them he fought with me and made me cry in front of his parents, which really made me feel so uncomfortable. Everytime I asked him if his parents liked me he would answer by saying that he didn’t really know.
He would do really kind things for me like surprise me for my birthday and take me on a wonderful trip. He organized a surprise birthday for me, etc. But whenever the slighlest thing was wrong he would react in a very unfriendly way. For example whenever a guy would write to me from University – even if it was just a friend he would make sure to write to another girl. Or if I liked a males photo on instagram (always friends) he would make sure to like a girls friends. It would hurt me so much. Or he would never like my photos but I would always like his to show my support and when he did, it was only to show people that we were together when he doubted people didn’t know. When I would ask him why he didn’t like my photos he would say it was because he didn’t like my modeling pictures or he didn’t find them interesting.
We had some really good moments together but there would always be something off. On our 3 year anniversary at dinner I saw that he received a text from a girl that he would often write to whenever he felts guys would hit on me. It made me so upset that even on our anniversary this would happen.
One time we had a fight on a train - I received a text from a guy in my class who wrote to me if I wanted to grab a coffee (I obviously didn't not reply) he got so angry that he proceeded to spit on me. As time went by I got more distant after these several events but I always had hope that he would realize that he was hurting me and try to change. Instead he accused me of being distant because he thought I was cheating on him, etc.
When I broke up with him he proceeded to contact all my friends and tell them that I was a nasty person, a cheater and showed them personal test messages I sent him when I was vulnerable and needed him the most (when my parents were having an affair) - to show them that I was the crazy one. Shortly after he started dating a 18 yer old model from my sae agency and posted pictures of her on instagram stories - in the same place we went on vacation/gave her the same gift. It was really hard for me
We started having problems when a few months into the relationship – supposedly his ex gf was in town. While we were walking around the city center he asked me to walk slightly in front of him to avoid hurting his ex gf as he had not told her that he was seeing someone new. At the time I found this very hurtful but tried to understand his point of view.
At the beginning of our relationship I shared many photos on social media of us together and I was always puzzled why he would never want to be tagged in them or post any. He would always say that he needed more time to pass before he post any pictures because his ex gf was still in pain after their long relationship. Again I tried to understand and I did not want to put anyone else through pain having been in a previous relationship myself. We broke up several times the first year of our relationship for silly reasons that were easily fixable and each time he asked me to delete all the pictures I had posted of us. It made me feel sad so I decided to avoid posting other pictures of us together. This later annoyed him after two years of dating- he was puzzled to why I wouldn't post any more pictures. He thought I was hiding him but I just didn't feel comfortable posting pictures anymore after the way he acted in the past. But he didn't understand, he was sure I was seeing someone else.
At the time I was finishing medical sciences at University and modeling. My bf was not so happy about that. He told me that I was wasting my time modeling.. That instead of doing something constructive with my time, like reading a book I prefer taking photos, being on social media, etc. I did not have enough knowledge about everything the way that he did and he always made me notice that I do not know enough about the world. I appreciated that about him but at the same time it made me feel like I was inferior and didn’t know much about anything.
I remember one weekend he invited me to meet his parents, I did not feel ready seeing as it had only been 4 months that we started dating and I didn’t feel comfortable yet seeing as he had mentioned a few times that they grew affectionate to his ex gf. It was very important for me that I make a good impression and that they didn’t see me as an intruder in their home. A few times when I went to visit them he fought with me and made me cry in front of his parents, which really made me feel so uncomfortable. Everytime I asked him if his parents liked me he would answer by saying that he didn’t really know.
He would do really kind things for me like surprise me for my birthday and take me on a wonderful trip. He organized a surprise birthday for me, etc. But whenever the slighlest thing was wrong he would react in a very unfriendly way. For example whenever a guy would write to me from University – even if it was just a friend he would make sure to write to another girl. Or if I liked a males photo on instagram (always friends) he would make sure to like a girls friends. It would hurt me so much. Or he would never like my photos but I would always like his to show my support and when he did, it was only to show people that we were together when he doubted people didn’t know. When I would ask him why he didn’t like my photos he would say it was because he didn’t like my modeling pictures or he didn’t find them interesting.
We had some really good moments together but there would always be something off. On our 3 year anniversary at dinner I saw that he received a text from a girl that he would often write to whenever he felts guys would hit on me. It made me so upset that even on our anniversary this would happen.
One time we had a fight on a train - I received a text from a guy in my class who wrote to me if I wanted to grab a coffee (I obviously didn't not reply) he got so angry that he proceeded to spit on me. As time went by I got more distant after these several events but I always had hope that he would realize that he was hurting me and try to change. Instead he accused me of being distant because he thought I was cheating on him, etc.
When I broke up with him he proceeded to contact all my friends and tell them that I was a nasty person, a cheater and showed them personal test messages I sent him when I was vulnerable and needed him the most (when my parents were having an affair) - to show them that I was the crazy one. Shortly after he started dating a 18 yer old model from my sae agency and posted pictures of her on instagram stories - in the same place we went on vacation/gave her the same gift. It was really hard for me
31-35, F
