My heart hurts

I just broke up with my boyfriend. I’m not talking to my sister and my closest friend at work has left. The three people I was closest to in life.

Life is strange… why all at once? My best guess is that the universe/ god (what ever you want to call it) wanted to help me to do a cleansing. Get rid of people that are toxic or holding me back.

I wanted so badly for this relationship to work that I didn’t pay attention to all the red flags. Just kept over looking them and forgiving him. I have always allowed my sister to walk all over me. Always walking on eggshells to not upset her. In the end no matter what I would apologize even when it wasn’t my fault l. I have always given so much in my romantic relationships and to my family that it’s hard for me to have time for friends out side of work. My work friend doesn’t create the healthiest atmosphere around her. But it was a connection.

Now here I am alone and my heart hurts.

I’ve blocked him on everything that I can and still he calls with an unknown number. I’m fighting every urge to just pick up. It would be nice to have someone to talk too.

I miss my niece and nephew so much. But I would have to pretend it’s my fault for me and my sister not talking. I would have to beg for her to forgive me for something I didn’t do. I’m tired of it so tired of this game of hers.

I know it wouldn’t be healthy to stay connected to my work friend. She brings people down to a negative level. A sallow one. But it would be nice to have a friend right now.

How long Am I suppose to feel this deep swell of pressure on my heart? I don’t want to give in this time. I want to heal.

But it hurts