My heart hurts

I just broke up with my boyfriend. I’m not talking to my sister and my closest friend at work has left. The three people I was closest to in life.

Life is strange… why all at once? My best guess is that the universe/ god (what ever you want to call it) wanted to help me to do a cleansing. Get rid of people that are toxic or holding me back.

I wanted so badly for this relationship to work that I didn’t pay attention to all the red flags. Just kept over looking them and forgiving him. I have always allowed my sister to walk all over me. Always walking on eggshells to not upset her. In the end no matter what I would apologize even when it wasn’t my fault l. I have always given so much in my romantic relationships and to my family that it’s hard for me to have time for friends out side of work. My work friend doesn’t create the healthiest atmosphere around her. But it was a connection.

Now here I am alone and my heart hurts.

I’ve blocked him on everything that I can and still he calls with an unknown number. I’m fighting every urge to just pick up. It would be nice to have someone to talk too.

I miss my niece and nephew so much. But I would have to pretend it’s my fault for me and my sister not talking. I would have to beg for her to forgive me for something I didn’t do. I’m tired of it so tired of this game of hers.

I know it wouldn’t be healthy to stay connected to my work friend. She brings people down to a negative level. A sallow one. But it would be nice to have a friend right now.

How long Am I suppose to feel this deep swell of pressure on my heart? I don’t want to give in this time. I want to heal.

But it hurts

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Renkon · 36-40, M

Why did you breakup?

When you break up with someone it naturally disturbs your normal routines. When they were part of your life, so much was planned around them. Now you see lot of vacant seats and empty frames.

Just understand it's normal to feel depressed and stressed after a break up. Just fill that life holes with something new. May be a new hobby or try meeting some friends. If it's too much seek help.

Whenever their thoughts come, remember the reason you broke up. And....

Don't be hard on you.

Snow33 · 36-40, F

@Renkon he’s not a man of his word. I can’t trust him. If I stayed with him I would lose me. I was hurting and not support mentally and emotionally.

Yes it’s very hard right now. And he’s not making it easy to stay away from him. He’s not respecting my boundaries and wish’s for no contact. It does help to keep replaying why we broke up.

Thank you 🙏🏼

Renkon · 36-40, M

@Snow33 From what you said, I think, He is feeling that he might no get another woman like you every again. He felt satisfied the way you were with me.

The problem he doesn't realise nothing is free in life. He should have invested in your needs too. Put some work in the relationship. That's why he is trying to patch up with you.

Make it clear to him you have moved on. I wouldn't suggest you to lie. But you might tell me you are seeing somebody else already. It might sting him hard. But if nothing works you can try.

Snow33 · 36-40, F

@Renkon I’ve given him chances to fix things. I’m not wasting my life waiting anymore. Yes relationships are work and both people have to be willing to create and grow together and for themselves.

I cant say that to him right now. He would freak out. He said that if I start dating someone new he would beat them. So the best thing I can do is avoid and ignore at all costs right now. I cant reason with him. He’s not accepting that it’s over. Even though I’ve told him over and over.

Renkon · 36-40, M

@Snow33 "He said that if I start dating someone new he would beat them"
What the hell! Are you serious? You believe him? He is threatening with harm.
That's close to a punishable offence.

I don't know you and I am furious. Talk to people who care for you . Deal this with a firm hand. Or people will treat you like they own you. Please do not be his emotional hostage. So many women make this mistake.

Next time you talk to him, bring someone with you. You brother, uncle or a close friend. He will get the message. People who threatened respond to threat. They are usually cowards inside.