I Have a Broken Heart

You were 6 years younger than I was. You curly hair and green eyes always attracted people. You and I were the only ones with green eyes. I do not remember much about you even though you were the one born after me. I remember you with your dog, I remember you actually eating dog food with her. You loved her so much.

I knew that I might not ever speak to you again, but I guess there was always the chance. Now, there never will be. Maybe it's not final, but to me it feels like it.

My heart breaks because life did not have to go this way. My feels are going from sadness, unstoppable tears to anger. The actions of our parents finally caught up to you. Oh yes, I know, you are responsible for your own actions, but you never had a chance. From the moment you started drinking at the age of 2 or 3....... the adults thought it was funny. It's not funny now.

I made a decision not to speak to you about a year ago. Even though you were my brother, your decision to side with my ex/stalker would be dangerous for me. As much as I asked you to not share any info with him, you always did. I do not think you ever saw or could face, that this man would kill me if he found me. He tricked you into believing that he was your friend. The betrayal then was so painful but oddly this is even more painful.

Now you are gone. I will never speak to you again or even have a chance to. It's just over. I wonder why no one thought to tell me. Always thinking to protect me but keeping things from me. Until one person decides that I should know and just sends me a link to the shocking news. My stomach dropped, things flashed through my mind... and then this deep sadness for what a waste. You never had a chance and it breaks my heart.

Now I just grieve I guess. As I was told, "there is nothing you can do. I love you."