Hello Angeleyez,
I get exactly where your coming from. I lost a daughter 20 years ago and I think about Caitlyn everyday. I often wonder what she looks like, if she has dimples, like her brother, what color her eyes would be and the list goes on and on.

I went through that experience mainly alone, but not really alone because my best friend Dawn was there.

I didn’t deliver her, I went to the bathroom feeling as though I had to pee, when little did I know, my sack had broken and when I went to wipe myself I saw her tiny, tiny feet and almost legs.

I bleed a lot and had to go to the hospital and my best friend and I, we never told anyone. We lied and said that I fell really hard and couldn’t get up or something similar to that.

It took 15 years to tell someone, ex-fiancée and to start the healing process.

Five years ago my sister had a little girl and for the first time, in a longtime I walked in the girls side of Toys R Us.

Losing a child is like a hole in your heart that never closes, it just keeps getting bigger and bigger.

You have to talk to someone who can relate and start healing one issue at a time. I used to stay in bed all day and just cry and no one could ever figure it out. It hurts and it will always hurt but learning how to cope helps, trust me.

If you need someone to talk to, I’m here. Stay strong, or at least try. I know it isn’t easy.