I Am Heartbroken Right Now
I guess it's time to let go of all hope that I had for him to come back around...the father of my baby and my boyfriend of 7 years (now ex of 5 months) who I'm still in love with </3. He gave me vague and false hope for the future and led me on for a few months after our breakup. But now he's come to me and has told me that he really thinks he's gay, not just bisexual.
He's been sleeping around with guys since we've broken up and it seemed that the past couple months he started becoming serious with someone because he would never come home at night and would sleep out </3. Well now that he's experienced that side of him, he feels that he's gay. And he's probably in love with the new guy.
Before the last couple of months he would talk about us "being a family again", he'd hold my hand sometimes, we'd cuddle, he'd act cutesy and flirty, he'd compliment me a lot, he said I love you a couple times and he would sometimes even try to kiss me (but I wouldn't let him since he was already active on a gay dating app and I didn't want to be used).
It just hurts so much. There are so many things about him and our relationship that I loved and valued. We used to talk about getting married and the home we wanted and everything. He was supposedly thinking of proposing within the next year or 2...but now? He's gay...so that's down the drain. And any hope of being a family with me, him, our baby and our dog. I just really feel betrayed, alone and hopeless right now.
Oh, and I also feel I'm at fault here in a way. I knew he was bisexual near the beginning of our relationship, but he was in the closet. I encouraged him to accept that side of himself and helped him in the process. I fulfilled his other needs in bed too...there was a point in time where I also allowed him to flirt with guys as long as he was open with me about it and showed me the messages. That was short lived as he was getting hooked on it, but when I was no longer okay with those actions he made secret accounts instead. During couples counseling last year he pointed out that I was the one who helped him see this side of himself...part of me regrets that and feels I pushed him away...but I also truly love and care about him so another part of me feels like maybe I really helped him finally be himself.
He's been sleeping around with guys since we've broken up and it seemed that the past couple months he started becoming serious with someone because he would never come home at night and would sleep out </3. Well now that he's experienced that side of him, he feels that he's gay. And he's probably in love with the new guy.
Before the last couple of months he would talk about us "being a family again", he'd hold my hand sometimes, we'd cuddle, he'd act cutesy and flirty, he'd compliment me a lot, he said I love you a couple times and he would sometimes even try to kiss me (but I wouldn't let him since he was already active on a gay dating app and I didn't want to be used).
It just hurts so much. There are so many things about him and our relationship that I loved and valued. We used to talk about getting married and the home we wanted and everything. He was supposedly thinking of proposing within the next year or 2...but now? He's gay...so that's down the drain. And any hope of being a family with me, him, our baby and our dog. I just really feel betrayed, alone and hopeless right now.
Oh, and I also feel I'm at fault here in a way. I knew he was bisexual near the beginning of our relationship, but he was in the closet. I encouraged him to accept that side of himself and helped him in the process. I fulfilled his other needs in bed too...there was a point in time where I also allowed him to flirt with guys as long as he was open with me about it and showed me the messages. That was short lived as he was getting hooked on it, but when I was no longer okay with those actions he made secret accounts instead. During couples counseling last year he pointed out that I was the one who helped him see this side of himself...part of me regrets that and feels I pushed him away...but I also truly love and care about him so another part of me feels like maybe I really helped him finally be himself.
