Sometimes… You Feel Much Better
HER…
It’s been 4 months or more now.
You’ve grieved the ending and done the CBT and shadow work.
You’ve spent a month feeling over it.
Weeks feeling like you’re ready to move on.
Days talking to people with that intention in mind.
And then you go to the grocery store and some random mom yells down the aisle to her dawdling daughter who has the same name as HER…
Your mind goes back to your very first trip to do grocery shopping together and the way you laughed as you picked out everything for the dinner you cooked together.
The way you held HER as she stirred the pots.
The way you sat talking about everything under the sun for hours and before you knew it it was well after midnight.
You remember the love making and the cuddling after. The way you fell asleep naked with HER in your arms, and how you woke up in the morning still entwined with your right arm useless for minutes as the circulation got going again.
You remember waking up with HER glowing eyes open and peaceful and just staring.
Then you go to SW and post a stupid post all about it, and you don’t feel much better at all.
Even though you know it’s over and there’s no going back. Not to HER anyway.
You start the CBT all over again.
Knowing at some point you’ll really be better.
Hoping that somewhere out there is a woman for you that will grant you the patience enough to heal and grow with.
People don’t heal everything by themselves. They heal in healthy relationships.
There’s plenty of work to be done by yourself and on your own.
But triggers get erased and lessened by understanding and compassion.
Love…, that’s the true medicine for all emotional wounds. It’s the only thing that truly softens the scar tissue of the past hurts and traumas.
There are days I feel better and there are times that I don’t. There are the yesterdays when I swore that I’d never open my heart to a woman again. There are the tomorrow’s that I hope will bring me back to a place where I can love and am loved by a woman who will walk the paths of whatever is left of this life beside me.
Doubt, hope, faith, fear, longing, anguish…
Like a cauldron boiling over inside my mind all those things flow over into my soul in a hot mess of an understanding I feel closer to.
Peace,
Rob
It’s been 4 months or more now.
You’ve grieved the ending and done the CBT and shadow work.
You’ve spent a month feeling over it.
Weeks feeling like you’re ready to move on.
Days talking to people with that intention in mind.
And then you go to the grocery store and some random mom yells down the aisle to her dawdling daughter who has the same name as HER…
Your mind goes back to your very first trip to do grocery shopping together and the way you laughed as you picked out everything for the dinner you cooked together.
The way you held HER as she stirred the pots.
The way you sat talking about everything under the sun for hours and before you knew it it was well after midnight.
You remember the love making and the cuddling after. The way you fell asleep naked with HER in your arms, and how you woke up in the morning still entwined with your right arm useless for minutes as the circulation got going again.
You remember waking up with HER glowing eyes open and peaceful and just staring.
Then you go to SW and post a stupid post all about it, and you don’t feel much better at all.
Even though you know it’s over and there’s no going back. Not to HER anyway.
You start the CBT all over again.
Knowing at some point you’ll really be better.
Hoping that somewhere out there is a woman for you that will grant you the patience enough to heal and grow with.
People don’t heal everything by themselves. They heal in healthy relationships.
There’s plenty of work to be done by yourself and on your own.
But triggers get erased and lessened by understanding and compassion.
Love…, that’s the true medicine for all emotional wounds. It’s the only thing that truly softens the scar tissue of the past hurts and traumas.
There are days I feel better and there are times that I don’t. There are the yesterdays when I swore that I’d never open my heart to a woman again. There are the tomorrow’s that I hope will bring me back to a place where I can love and am loved by a woman who will walk the paths of whatever is left of this life beside me.
Doubt, hope, faith, fear, longing, anguish…
Like a cauldron boiling over inside my mind all those things flow over into my soul in a hot mess of an understanding I feel closer to.
Peace,
Rob
51-55, M