A good man @Coppercicada
When I was going through a really hard time around the beginning of 2019 I felt so drained and used up, I really couldn’t see a future anymore.
I could scarcely breathe I was so sick and run down. I felt completely unseen. A dried up sack of uselessness. Or worse than uselessness. Somebody the world, including even my children, would be better off without.
I had a friend I loved dearly but he was dealing with his own issues, circling the drain with a wife who was mentally and physically unwell.
I decided I would kill myself, I had no hope but one person I reached out to.
And then my friend responded through email, writing me a message so beautiful that when I think about it I see it as pure light. He let me know that I wasn’t alone. That I was seen. And it wasn’t just words, he proved it by what he said. What he saw.
He’s an incredibly generous man. That’s part of why I love him. Sometimes the way he views things makes me chuckle because it is so skewed to seeing the good in people.
His generosity, patience, loyalty and kindness to his pookie, his late wife, is part of what made me fall for him.
Like the scene in When Harry Met Sally, I said to myself and anyone who would listen, ‘I’ll have what she’s having.”
Just where to find one, right?
It was hard for me finding someone who had all the qualities I value in a man, only for them to be unavailable. And not just unavailable. To a large degree wasted.
CPTSD (Complex post traumatic stress disorder) is a funny thing, it comes with a real sting in the tail. We can be competent, even high achieving people that are extremely adaptive and that people admire. But in later decades, it can hit. You just JPFROG (just plain f-ing run out of gas).
Having just battled through decades with a wife whose mental health was deteriorating, I knew the last thing my friend needed was a friend whose mental health was also going South. While struggling with mental ill health and trauma my whole life, I had always held it together in terms of remaining rational, now I was scared.
I asked him why he was holding on tighter rather than running for his life, given the hell he was already going through with his wife, and he said, “because I love you.”
And that is really the essence of the man, an invincible love machine. A friend you can rely on come thick or thin. A deep and thoughtful man who can see through superficial bullshit into the heart of things. A man that will never let go. A man who is always there for others. A man so strong, he can take far more than he should ever have been expected to hold while coming out of it an even better person than before.
The kind of man a woman once she gets hold of him, will never let go. Because she’s lucky beyond any earthly measure.
I could scarcely breathe I was so sick and run down. I felt completely unseen. A dried up sack of uselessness. Or worse than uselessness. Somebody the world, including even my children, would be better off without.
I had a friend I loved dearly but he was dealing with his own issues, circling the drain with a wife who was mentally and physically unwell.
I decided I would kill myself, I had no hope but one person I reached out to.
And then my friend responded through email, writing me a message so beautiful that when I think about it I see it as pure light. He let me know that I wasn’t alone. That I was seen. And it wasn’t just words, he proved it by what he said. What he saw.
He’s an incredibly generous man. That’s part of why I love him. Sometimes the way he views things makes me chuckle because it is so skewed to seeing the good in people.
His generosity, patience, loyalty and kindness to his pookie, his late wife, is part of what made me fall for him.
Like the scene in When Harry Met Sally, I said to myself and anyone who would listen, ‘I’ll have what she’s having.”
Just where to find one, right?
It was hard for me finding someone who had all the qualities I value in a man, only for them to be unavailable. And not just unavailable. To a large degree wasted.
CPTSD (Complex post traumatic stress disorder) is a funny thing, it comes with a real sting in the tail. We can be competent, even high achieving people that are extremely adaptive and that people admire. But in later decades, it can hit. You just JPFROG (just plain f-ing run out of gas).
Having just battled through decades with a wife whose mental health was deteriorating, I knew the last thing my friend needed was a friend whose mental health was also going South. While struggling with mental ill health and trauma my whole life, I had always held it together in terms of remaining rational, now I was scared.
I asked him why he was holding on tighter rather than running for his life, given the hell he was already going through with his wife, and he said, “because I love you.”
And that is really the essence of the man, an invincible love machine. A friend you can rely on come thick or thin. A deep and thoughtful man who can see through superficial bullshit into the heart of things. A man that will never let go. A man who is always there for others. A man so strong, he can take far more than he should ever have been expected to hold while coming out of it an even better person than before.
The kind of man a woman once she gets hold of him, will never let go. Because she’s lucky beyond any earthly measure.
