the breakup letter i wrote to him
To me, it feels like grieving. Losing someone I love so deeply and profoundly is something I don’t deal with well. Losing communication with someone I love feels like a part of me is missing, and without even realizing it, I’m hurting.
I spent the entire day being so unbelievably busy. I was at uni from 8–10, then at an event from 1–5, and went out with my friends shortly after until 12. All of this, and I couldn’t leave you out of my mind. Not one second.
I never realized how hard breakups were until I met you. I never understood what love was until I met you. I never thought someone on this earth could understand another human so passionately and with full admiration. I never thought the ground could meet the ocean, yet they’re on the same surface level. When I met you, I never even thought we would get along this well and so deeply. I don’t think I’ve ever met a soul who could understand me with just a look, without any words or hints. I’ve never had to tell you how I feel because you always find out before I could even say it.
I hate how late grief comes to me because when it does, it’s really heavy. I actually had one of the best days of the past two weeks, and our separation just got me right after I’d been out all day.I hate how I see you in everything. I hate how you slip into my mind and never seem to leave. I hate how you understand me so well, how you know me in a way no one else does, and how you give me grace and never judge me for any of my stupidity. I hate how you look at me and already know how I’m feeling. I hate all these things about you because I never thought I’d experience them myself.
In a way, I’m jealous. I’m jealous I won’t get to have you. I’m upset I won’t have you. I’m upset I can’t be with you. I’m upset about how idiotic I can be sometimes. I know I’m not perfect, but oh, how close I was to finally having something perfect in my life: you.
Love was never something I believed could physically and emotionally shape someone. I always thought it was just loving a person, and that was it. With you, it’s so much more than that. I’ve never once felt misunderstood, belittled, small, or unimportant with you. Love with you wasn’t just about loving you and that was it. We meshed our souls together and became one. You became a part of me, and I became a part of you.
You are my light in the darkness of this tiring world. You outshine any light I see. It feels like a part of me has just left. It feels like I can’t experience my life with the one thing that kept me going every day, and I feel so stumped.
Now, the positive side is…
I got to know you. I actually know you. You know me. I got to love you. Someone loves me. I love someone.
You’ve become someone I can turn to without worrying about being misunderstood. I can tell you the things I would normally keep to myself, and you make me feel like I never needed to hide them in the first place. The amount of comfort I find in knowing you, and having gotten the chance to know you, is such a beautiful thing. You are my soul.
I can’t describe how much my heart feels for you when I think of you. I don’t have to see a picture of you to feel you. I don’t know how to put words together to explain how much my heart beats for you and the way it pumps to keep you fluttering in my heart. You have blown away my expectations of how I view love, and there is no one to compare. The way you love me is so beautifully done. You are beautifully written, my love. You deserve every ounce of love in this world, and you are so rare to find in such a dark and unfaithful world.
I’m so proud to have gotten to know you. Not just as a person, but as you,. I’m so proud to have gotten to know the real you and not just what you show to everyone else. I’m proud to have called you mine. I’m proud to have been able to get to know you. I’m so content with you that, to me, you’re my sister (idk shush) sometimes, not in a bad way, but in a way where I find so much comfort in you. I have never felt so free and happy sharing my daily experiences with someone. You’ve never viewed me as the secretly weird girl. You’ve never taken advantage of me. You’ve never made fun of me for liking taboo things.
My heart aches that I have to let go of someone I love so passionately and extraordinarily much, someone who has made my heart expand so much. You continue to exceed every expectation I have of men, and I know it will be unbelievably hard for anyone to compare to you.
When I first met you, I thought you were one of those average guys who were just bored and wanted something casual, which is so wth, but just from the first three to five texts, I knew you were different.
I keep thinking about scenarios in every setting, situation, and time, and they all have you in them. You are my future. I want you to be in it. I find so much comfort in you,. You calm me down in ways I never even thought someone could. You treat me in ways I never thought a man could. You have completely changed my mind in ways I could never express. You have shaped me into the woman I am now.
You are the peace in a world of chaos. You are the wish that is made before blowing out the candles on a cake. You have completely transformed me in ways no other person has. I’m so lucky to have met someone who makes me feel so understood and loved. You have such a beautiful soul, my handsome man. Please don’t undermine yourself or blame yourself for anything. It was never and it isn’t your fault. Meeting you was one of the highlights of this year.
Beyond everything you’ve made me feel, I hope you know that I admire you for who you are, too. I admire the way you continue to keep your head up when things are down, the way you never let things consume you, and the person you continue to be even when things aren’t easy. I love getting to know the different sides of you, even the ones you might not think are worth mentioning. I love hearing you talk about things you care about, listening to your thoughts, and learning the little things that help me understand you more.
I don’t just love you because of how you treat me or how you make me feel. I love you because of the person I’ve gotten to know through all our conversations and all the little things you’ve shared with me. I’m proud of you for the person you are,, and I hope you never forget that. Even if I had never gotten to experience your love, I think there would still be so many things about you that I would admire.
If I could have one more conversation with you, I don’t think I’d even know where to start. I’d want to tell you all the things I usually forget to say, all the things that seem so small in the moment but mean so much to me. I’d want to tell you how much I love you without worrying about whether I’m explaining myself properly. I’d want to hear about your day, ask you the most random questions, and listen to you talk about whatever happens to be on your mind. I don’t think I’d need some big, meaningful conversation or some perfect last moment with you. I’d just want to talk to you like we always do, without having to think about when we’ll get to do it again. I think that’s what makes this so difficult. It’s not always the big things I miss the most. Sometimes it’s the simplest things that remind me how much I wish you were here.
I miss being able to tell you things as they happen. I miss having something happen during my day and immediately wanting to tell you about it. I miss knowing there’s someone I can go to, whether I have something important to say or absolutely nothing to talk about. Sometimes I don’t even have anything interesting to tell you, but I’d still rather talk to you about nothing than go the whole day without talking to you at all. It’s strange how someone can become such a normal part of your everyday life that you don’t even realize how much space they take up until that space is suddenly empty. There are so many little moments when I think about you without even trying to, and sometimes I wish I could just tell you that I’m thinking about you instead of keeping it to myself
I hope you know that when I tell you how much I miss you, I’m not saying it because I want you to feel bad or because I want you to feel like you have to do something about it. I know things aren’t always in our control, and I know that loving someone doesn’t mean you can make every difficult situation disappear. I just want to be honest with you about what you mean to me. I don’t want you to ever feel like you have to carry my feelings for me, because they’re mine, and I know that. I can miss you and still want the best for you. I can have difficult days and still be grateful for you. I can wish things were different without blaming you for the way they are.
I just hope you never mistake the sadness I feel about being away from you for regret, because I don’t regret loving you. If anything, I wish you could understand that even in the moments when missing you hurts, I’m still grateful that I have someone worth missing this much.
Sometimes I think about all the little things I used to imagine doing with you without even realizing how much they meant to me. I think about the possibility of having more time together, getting to experience different parts of life with you, and being there for the things that might not seem important to anyone else. I think about the conversations we’d have, the places we’d go, the memories we’d make, and all the ordinary days that I once hoped would eventually become ours. I never needed everything to be perfect. I didn’t need some perfect life or some perfect relationship where nothing ever went wrong. I just wanted the chance to keep knowing you, to keep growing with you, and to see what our relationship could become with time.
I know nobody can promise what the future will look like, and I don’t want to pretend that I know what will happen. But I would be lying if I said I never pictured you in mine. I did, and sometimes I still do. Not because I expect anything from you, but because when I love someone, it’s hard not to imagine all the things I would love to experience with them. I can’t see from the amount of tears i’ve had. I’ve been bawling since the minute i wrote the date. My heart can’t handle leaving such a special bond.
I will never forget you or the way you make me feel. I know you won’t either. It pains me how this is happening. But i’m confident it’s for the best and i’m so glad you listen to me and what i have to say. You have never not heard me out or dismissed my wishes. I thank you for that.
I spent the entire day being so unbelievably busy. I was at uni from 8–10, then at an event from 1–5, and went out with my friends shortly after until 12. All of this, and I couldn’t leave you out of my mind. Not one second.
I never realized how hard breakups were until I met you. I never understood what love was until I met you. I never thought someone on this earth could understand another human so passionately and with full admiration. I never thought the ground could meet the ocean, yet they’re on the same surface level. When I met you, I never even thought we would get along this well and so deeply. I don’t think I’ve ever met a soul who could understand me with just a look, without any words or hints. I’ve never had to tell you how I feel because you always find out before I could even say it.
I hate how late grief comes to me because when it does, it’s really heavy. I actually had one of the best days of the past two weeks, and our separation just got me right after I’d been out all day.I hate how I see you in everything. I hate how you slip into my mind and never seem to leave. I hate how you understand me so well, how you know me in a way no one else does, and how you give me grace and never judge me for any of my stupidity. I hate how you look at me and already know how I’m feeling. I hate all these things about you because I never thought I’d experience them myself.
In a way, I’m jealous. I’m jealous I won’t get to have you. I’m upset I won’t have you. I’m upset I can’t be with you. I’m upset about how idiotic I can be sometimes. I know I’m not perfect, but oh, how close I was to finally having something perfect in my life: you.
Love was never something I believed could physically and emotionally shape someone. I always thought it was just loving a person, and that was it. With you, it’s so much more than that. I’ve never once felt misunderstood, belittled, small, or unimportant with you. Love with you wasn’t just about loving you and that was it. We meshed our souls together and became one. You became a part of me, and I became a part of you.
You are my light in the darkness of this tiring world. You outshine any light I see. It feels like a part of me has just left. It feels like I can’t experience my life with the one thing that kept me going every day, and I feel so stumped.
Now, the positive side is…
I got to know you. I actually know you. You know me. I got to love you. Someone loves me. I love someone.
You’ve become someone I can turn to without worrying about being misunderstood. I can tell you the things I would normally keep to myself, and you make me feel like I never needed to hide them in the first place. The amount of comfort I find in knowing you, and having gotten the chance to know you, is such a beautiful thing. You are my soul.
I can’t describe how much my heart feels for you when I think of you. I don’t have to see a picture of you to feel you. I don’t know how to put words together to explain how much my heart beats for you and the way it pumps to keep you fluttering in my heart. You have blown away my expectations of how I view love, and there is no one to compare. The way you love me is so beautifully done. You are beautifully written, my love. You deserve every ounce of love in this world, and you are so rare to find in such a dark and unfaithful world.
I’m so proud to have gotten to know you. Not just as a person, but as you,. I’m so proud to have gotten to know the real you and not just what you show to everyone else. I’m proud to have called you mine. I’m proud to have been able to get to know you. I’m so content with you that, to me, you’re my sister (idk shush) sometimes, not in a bad way, but in a way where I find so much comfort in you. I have never felt so free and happy sharing my daily experiences with someone. You’ve never viewed me as the secretly weird girl. You’ve never taken advantage of me. You’ve never made fun of me for liking taboo things.
My heart aches that I have to let go of someone I love so passionately and extraordinarily much, someone who has made my heart expand so much. You continue to exceed every expectation I have of men, and I know it will be unbelievably hard for anyone to compare to you.
When I first met you, I thought you were one of those average guys who were just bored and wanted something casual, which is so wth, but just from the first three to five texts, I knew you were different.
I keep thinking about scenarios in every setting, situation, and time, and they all have you in them. You are my future. I want you to be in it. I find so much comfort in you,. You calm me down in ways I never even thought someone could. You treat me in ways I never thought a man could. You have completely changed my mind in ways I could never express. You have shaped me into the woman I am now.
You are the peace in a world of chaos. You are the wish that is made before blowing out the candles on a cake. You have completely transformed me in ways no other person has. I’m so lucky to have met someone who makes me feel so understood and loved. You have such a beautiful soul, my handsome man. Please don’t undermine yourself or blame yourself for anything. It was never and it isn’t your fault. Meeting you was one of the highlights of this year.
Beyond everything you’ve made me feel, I hope you know that I admire you for who you are, too. I admire the way you continue to keep your head up when things are down, the way you never let things consume you, and the person you continue to be even when things aren’t easy. I love getting to know the different sides of you, even the ones you might not think are worth mentioning. I love hearing you talk about things you care about, listening to your thoughts, and learning the little things that help me understand you more.
I don’t just love you because of how you treat me or how you make me feel. I love you because of the person I’ve gotten to know through all our conversations and all the little things you’ve shared with me. I’m proud of you for the person you are,, and I hope you never forget that. Even if I had never gotten to experience your love, I think there would still be so many things about you that I would admire.
If I could have one more conversation with you, I don’t think I’d even know where to start. I’d want to tell you all the things I usually forget to say, all the things that seem so small in the moment but mean so much to me. I’d want to tell you how much I love you without worrying about whether I’m explaining myself properly. I’d want to hear about your day, ask you the most random questions, and listen to you talk about whatever happens to be on your mind. I don’t think I’d need some big, meaningful conversation or some perfect last moment with you. I’d just want to talk to you like we always do, without having to think about when we’ll get to do it again. I think that’s what makes this so difficult. It’s not always the big things I miss the most. Sometimes it’s the simplest things that remind me how much I wish you were here.
I miss being able to tell you things as they happen. I miss having something happen during my day and immediately wanting to tell you about it. I miss knowing there’s someone I can go to, whether I have something important to say or absolutely nothing to talk about. Sometimes I don’t even have anything interesting to tell you, but I’d still rather talk to you about nothing than go the whole day without talking to you at all. It’s strange how someone can become such a normal part of your everyday life that you don’t even realize how much space they take up until that space is suddenly empty. There are so many little moments when I think about you without even trying to, and sometimes I wish I could just tell you that I’m thinking about you instead of keeping it to myself
I hope you know that when I tell you how much I miss you, I’m not saying it because I want you to feel bad or because I want you to feel like you have to do something about it. I know things aren’t always in our control, and I know that loving someone doesn’t mean you can make every difficult situation disappear. I just want to be honest with you about what you mean to me. I don’t want you to ever feel like you have to carry my feelings for me, because they’re mine, and I know that. I can miss you and still want the best for you. I can have difficult days and still be grateful for you. I can wish things were different without blaming you for the way they are.
I just hope you never mistake the sadness I feel about being away from you for regret, because I don’t regret loving you. If anything, I wish you could understand that even in the moments when missing you hurts, I’m still grateful that I have someone worth missing this much.
Sometimes I think about all the little things I used to imagine doing with you without even realizing how much they meant to me. I think about the possibility of having more time together, getting to experience different parts of life with you, and being there for the things that might not seem important to anyone else. I think about the conversations we’d have, the places we’d go, the memories we’d make, and all the ordinary days that I once hoped would eventually become ours. I never needed everything to be perfect. I didn’t need some perfect life or some perfect relationship where nothing ever went wrong. I just wanted the chance to keep knowing you, to keep growing with you, and to see what our relationship could become with time.
I know nobody can promise what the future will look like, and I don’t want to pretend that I know what will happen. But I would be lying if I said I never pictured you in mine. I did, and sometimes I still do. Not because I expect anything from you, but because when I love someone, it’s hard not to imagine all the things I would love to experience with them. I can’t see from the amount of tears i’ve had. I’ve been bawling since the minute i wrote the date. My heart can’t handle leaving such a special bond.
I will never forget you or the way you make me feel. I know you won’t either. It pains me how this is happening. But i’m confident it’s for the best and i’m so glad you listen to me and what i have to say. You have never not heard me out or dismissed my wishes. I thank you for that.
18-21, F
