I lost the love of my life

I found him or rather he found me through experience project. We were in a long distance online relationship for seven to eight years. I know we never got the chance to meet in real life, but we shared everything with each other. He was very good to me and loved me with a tender, affectionate devotion. We talked of meeting someday and starting a life together. Living together marriage and he said he was like 98-99% sure about me. We didn’t have the money to meet in person either of us though he tried saving up from his accounting wages but between life expenses and helping financially provide for his aging parents he didn’t have much left over. I didn’t make any money of my own except for the occasional side gig. I was stupid and didn’t finish my degrees and vocational courses with certificates of completion and diplomas online . I quit sewing classes after about eight to nine months when I felt I wasn’t going fast enough. I jumped from one crappy job to the next and didn’t last long at any of them. These jobs were a terrible fit for my temperament, preferences, and abilities. He like my family encouraged me to finish my studies and he told me much later after we broke up that he saw a break up happening if I didn’t finish my studies and he had to rely on me to be the one to make the money for us to meet in real life because through no fault of his own his job didn’t pay him enough. He was in India and I was in the United States. Overall we had a compatible relationship even with a few bumps in the road and he forgave me for dumb mistakes. We didn’t argue very much but sometimes when I was depressed I would give him short answers to his text messages and he would feel ignored and unwanted. We were both very sensitive people. But I caused the breakup because three years ago I was not mentally in a good place. I had a psychotic break from reality and was institutionalized. After I realized I had a psychotic episode, I felt I no longer deserved his love. I also felt horrible before my parents told him what was going on on my phone on WhatsApp. For two weeks he thought I might be ignoring him. That was horrible. We text messaged, phone called, and video called regularly for many years before that. I just didn’t want him to have to deal with my mental illnesses, wait for me even years longer before we could get together, and I was a little lonely in an online relationship. I shouldn’t have been because he paid lots of attention but I didn’t have his physical presence in my life. He saw a breakup happening he told me later if we didn’t get together soon. He meant I might break up with him . I loved him and still love him with all my heart, mind, and soul. It was mid July 2023 when I broke things off. A few days later I realized I made a huge mistake and asked him to get back together again but he said as much as he wanted to, he couldn’t do that to me. He thought I needed someone close by to love and he felt as though he didn’t want to hurt me more than already was hurting. I cried so much before I broke up with him because it hurt so badly. He stayed my good friend maybe six-seven months after the breakup.he said he realized we were both 30+ and didn’t know if our relationship was going to work or not. Somebody in real life could help me become independent and move out of my parents house. But when he finally started courting and got engaged to another woman he ended the friendship and told me to please take care and have a good life. I knew after December 2023, as much as he loved me, I knew I was going to lose him. It all started when he went to travel locally after he suggested a movie marathon together to give me a Christmas present to watch Harry Potter or lord of the rings so there was no video call movie friend date. He met his future wife in late December or early January 2023-2024 on his week off work. Things started changing at work including getting another finance head boss and cctv cameras so he couldn’t talk to me as much. He suggested at first talking by only email so we wouldn’t feel so close as when we had real time conservations. For a while we talked by. Email and on similarworlds. Com. Eventually we went back to WhatsApp because he thought I would do something wrong to myself if he didn’t go back. I didn’t mean to make him think that but for the first few weeks after our breakup we talked to each other less frequently on WhatsApp but after month and half on WhatsApp until late January he could see that I was not getting past our breakup and was fixated on the past instead of focusing on my future. When he first came back to WhatsApp he sent me a video clip from 13 reasons why that said I can love you and still let you go meaning he was not looking to get back together with me because he felt it would be better for my future to find someone in real life. Sujeet still cared about me after I told him what happened after I broke up with him with my psychotic state and he didn’t blame me. He still stayed my friend. But as March came around I heard nothing from him since February 18, 2024. March 21, 2024 was the last time he ever wrote to me. He explained to me within the last month he had been very busy and was dating that girl and got engaged.he told me I shouldn’t think about him so much and I should focus on my life and if I finish my studies I can get work and career and move where I want. He also told me to please not write him so much anymore because his fiancee would have grown suspicious and had different thoughts about the relationship. He told me please take care and have a good life and signed off with his name. I was so hurt and I tried to no avail to contact him to save our friendship because I thought at first he meant don’t write too much but as he never responded back to my messages or emails I realized with a sinking heart he meant not at all. I was devastated the same way I devastated him and broke his heart. He had no choice but continuing to push on and one time he said something I posted was really different and he was jealous because I posted I was hoping to find someone who could financially provide for me because of my difficulties and being a lover for me if I couldn’t have him anymore. I was chewed out and told to go get a job and made fun of mercilessly by responders on similarworlds. Sujeet told me gently that he was angry with the responses and that I shouldn’t post stuff like that on here because it makes me sound desperate. One responder said he could provide for me as long as I gave him blowjobs and opened my legs as a girlfriend. I was disgusted by how blunt he was. That was October into November 2023. I didn’t mean for him to see that post because I thought if I no longer could have him maybe I could have someone who was nice enough provide for me because I struggled with working. Sujeet left me behind even as a friend once he got engaged..I can understand why but doesn’t mean I like his reasons. I would have been happy for him and been nice to his fiancée. He told she was very nice and he thought it was good to have someone by his side. He knew her for two to three months at most but it is India. I wonder if part of this relationship was a semi arranged marriage after he found her himself or was is a love come arranged marriage or just a love marriage because it was so quick. He had no place left for me in his life not even as a friend anymore. It was my fault to begin with. I guess I got what I deserved. My ex boyfriend and friend was the best thing that ever happened to me and I ruined it through deciding for him instead of letting him choose for himself to stay or go away from me. He said as my friend he didn’t care that I had a psychotic break and was glad I was betterHe still was in contact with me at that point. So I’m back to not being psychotic for three years because of my antipsychotics and anti depressants. I know I hurt him very badly in the beginning. At least he found a happy ending of some sort. I just wish he stuck around as my good friend even if he wasn’t my lover anymore. But I can see how that would cause problems for his relationship and marriage. He loved me but I hurt him and then to get over the pain he found someone else and married her. He loves her very much too. I have no doubt. And I am certain she loves him so much as well. I would have been supportive of his engagement if I had known before. Granted I wrote him a lot and shared my feelings too easily. But I do know this, the memories we made and love we shared will never die even if our relationship didn’t last forever. Even if it was temporary, I was lucky to be loved by someone like him. So many wonderful qualities he had such as being very open minded, curious, compassionate, kind, gentle, passionate, shy but friendly, wise, intelligent, creative, understanding, intuitive, sensitive, etc. he was not perfect but he was a very virtuous person. I suppose it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.