Moving on from love 🖤

I don't know why certain things always have to end in relationships. It's what scares me most about being in one.

I see life and the world as endlessly fascinating. Infinite potential if realistic, we have many choices. You're the person I chose every day. But somewhere along the way it became bad to share certain things. Feelings, hurts, eventually wrongs.

I don't know why that happens. From my perspective it seems people get bored. They don't want to know more. Maybe there is no more. Maybe the repetition of one person became old. I don't know.

I have only ever wanted to dive deeper. Yet so often I feel closed out. And some of that has to do with my feelings of inadequacy since childhood, but I also want credit for the work I've done on myself, and to say I'd like a balance. To say it's not wrong of me to want to feel safe and close and part of your inner world. Especially when the outside world kinda sucks.

You kept me on the surface, for whatever your reason, I forgive you, because I once loved you. All of you. You slowly made yourself so inaccessible, I couldn't love any of you, because in order to push away my love you had to find fault in it, in me.

I never wanted flawless, but I did want all. Not an all consuming, just the great smallness of knowing and trusting you are loved in a way that supports kindness, respect, laughter, sex and growth. Even if it meant growing apart, there would always be a friend.

I guess that is the root of it. You didn't want a friend in me too. And who knows what you believed a lover was.

Good bye old love. You can leave my heart. Not because you weren't important, because you weren't permanent, because you dead weighted too much on me.