All My Life

I looked for Love
And twice I had found it
I lost it both times
And it was I there behind it

Because all of the love
that I ever looked for
Sat outside of my stantions
And my fully closed doors

As I look back in time
To find what I was missing
It wasn't the hugs
And it wasn't the kissing

It was simply acceptance
of the man that I am
The man that I hated
The one I couldn't stand

I let rejection and shame
Shape me into a being
That wasn't worth love
And that was all I was seeing

I self-sabotaged
I wrote my own endings
With every false smile
With my own self pretending

I set myself up
Then knocked myself down
I took what was given
As I played out the clown

I ended all things
because I couldn't see my own scars
I shot for the moon
Through the falling stars

But I'm learning, I'm living
I'm shedding the past
I'm trying my best
To do more than just last

I'm hoping, I'm striving
To be loved and to love
And hoping at all costs
To find my one lovely dove

~ The Snowdog