I miss my ex boyfriend

It was my fault for breaking up with him two and a half years ago because I thought he deserved someone who was a functional financially independent adult and not dealing with a bunch of mental illnesses and I didn’t want him to wait around for me after my psychotic episode. I also felt a bit lonely in an online long distance relationship though he tried to pay me attention as much as he could. We were friends for eight months after our breakup but he stopped being my friend when he got engaged to another lady. He was very loyal and kindhearted. I was with him for seven and a half to eight years. I wish I could get over the pain but I still love him just as much now as I did two years ago. There is nothing to do but move on yet I have not healed from the trauma. I don’t think I’ll ever love anyone again the way I loved him. It’s my fault for breaking up with him in the first place and not finishing my studies online so I could have created a portfolio of work( skillcrush.com) or passed final exams to secure freelance work (knowadays.com) and start saving money to live on my own and travel on my own. If I did both I would be making enough money to live off of and other skills added to my training would increase my income and help me be self sufficient. He was poor and did not have enough money to travel long distance or for visas and passports and everything else. We were doomed from the start. Star crossed lovers with one moving on with marriage. And his wife probably wouldn’t want him to talk to an ex even if just a s a friend anyway.i remember so much but he probably forgot about me long ago. It’s just a pathetic sad situation for me to be in. I just have to let him live his life without interference from me. He even gave me no response when I told him I have cancer many weeks ago. He doesn’t even feel the need to check up on me anymore. It’s frustrating and disappointing. He promised me long ago we would always remain good friends even if we weren’t lovers. Anymore. I guess now that promise is too difficult to keep. I know his bride came first now. I will always miss him though.