I don't want to take care of a partner. Nor do I want to be taken care of.

I want to take care of our children and our elders. Take care of animals and a garden. I want our strength to double when we work together.

I don't want to be attended to or fussed over. It irks me. If one of us was sick or doing badly we'd help each other. If one of us was sad or needed touch we'd be there for each other.

I don't need loving gazes or gifts, but rather thoughtfulness. Being considerate. With drops of unscheduled and unasked for sweetness. A flower picked, or mug of cacao on a cold night.

I want a lot of sex though lol

Apparently, this is wrong. Apparently, my desires are too simple and subtle. I'm supposed to want more and be more even if to me, it seems frivolous and unnecessary. Dates and gifts and dressing up and acting like I want things because my partner wants them for me.

I'd rather be alone.

I'd need a relationship with someone who felt similarly right from the start. I don't want love bombing and a dumb honeymoon phase. I'd need to get our hands dirty, side by side for a cause, having each other's flank through it all.

I can take care of myself. I'm strong and independent and I do ask for help when I need it, but I don't need it often enough for others to feel important in my life.

I won't hurt anyone or subject them to me ever again and I realize what I'm saying. I understand that it means I may never meet my match. And I am perfectly okay with that. Deeply okay with it. I do really well alone. I haven't felt lonely in awhile now.

My last relationship was a five year nightmare for me. That man was weak. And I realize now the role I played in our conflict. I couldn't attend to his abundance of needs and he would rather assume what he thought I'd want than to accept I didn't have the same needs as him. We weren't compatible at all.

In speaking to others about it, all I can gather from the outside is that I'm not needy and wanty enough. But I don't think anyone understands my capacity to give. The well within me that is always full. I don't need more.

I don't want to drown in love. Not that there's anything wrong with being sappy. But can there also be nothing wrong with being kinda tough? Rough around the edges and self sufficient?

If not, that's fine, I'm good alone.