Sometimes I wish I had a lover who was my best friend again

I had that until I broke up with the love of my life. But this time I want an in person relationship. Or maybe I will just stay single for the rest of my life because my heart will never belong to anyone else but Sujeet kumal jha ever again. Sometimes I wish I could have a lover that was a comfort and a second great love. But not the true love I felt with Sujeet kumal jha . Sometimes I wish I had a lover who would take care of me while I learned the ropes of adulthood and how to take care of myself. I think that’s too much to ask for in the end. Because it would be a burden on my romantic partner. I miss the feeling of having a lover who was my best friend and checked in on me twice a day. And video called me at least on weekends. I miss having someone care for me and loving me right even if it was a virtual relationship. Sujeet and I hoped to meet and form a real life relationship but life didn’t turn out that way because of me and not finishing vocational courses that could have led me to a decent career that was flexible and remote and me not finishing my university degrees which could have also led to me being much more employable.. he tried to save money but there was never enough left over at the end of the month between bills and helping support his aging parents with his brother. He needed me to make the money to bring us together and he asked me when I was going to finish my courses so I could start earning money after learning skills that could lead to a decent job. It was my fault for not giving it my all. Me giving up on university and vocational courses that could have led to a higher paying career because I got stuck on course content and final exams. From my online courses. And for me getting depressed at university and slowly not caring about school and eventually dropping out after getting put on academic probation. My fault. Indeed. My fault and circumstances like distance. Not making it easy to meet.