I will never forget him but need to move on

But I have to learn to move on without him because he made it clear he didn’t want anymore contact. He never responded to any of my emails or messages where I tried to save the friendship even though we were no longer in a romantic relationship. Once he got engaged he ended our friendship. I was really crushed and devastated. I can understand he did it out of respect for his new life partner and he didn’t want her to be jealous or suspicious of a relationship that no longer existed. He was really wonderful to me when we were dating and was a good friend too after the breakup. I miss him dearly and still love him with all my heart. It was my fault we broke up and I own it. I don’t blame him for finding someone else because. That is part of the reason I set him free. I wanted him to find better than me someone who was self sufficient and independent psychologically and. Financially. Someone who was not full of severe mental illnesses and lacking motivation. Someone who could create a life with him and wouldn’t make him wait around for goodness knows how many more years before she got her life together. It was taking forever for us to meet and build a life together because I didn’t finish my vocational online courses with certificates of completion and diplomas and university degrees and stick with skillls that could have given me a remote career with a flexible schedule. I also felt a little lonely sometimes because it was an online relationship. Not his fault because he paid me lots of attention and tried really hard to not make me feel. That way. He was so compassionate and understanding towards me and to other people and animals. I wished things could have turned out differently for us and we could have been together forever. He came into my life for a reason to show me love I desperately needed. Because I knew him, I have been changed for good. He touched my life in a profound life altering way. He also. Let me go so I could find my own happiness and find someone in real life. Before he met his bride, he said as much as he wanted to get back together with me after I thought I made a mistake. By breaking up with him he didn’t want to see me hurting and he wasn’t going to do that to me. He wanted me to find someone in real life and. He said it didn’t seem like we were going to get together anytime soon we were both 30+ and he said I was young and beautiful. And I could easily find. Someone. He sent me a video clip from 13 reasons why saying I can love you and still let you go. He wanted to stay in contact via email and not talk on WhatsApp. For a while because he wanted both of us to not feel so strongly attached to. Each other. He came back to WhatsApp for a few weeks after he thought I would do something wrong to myself. I didn’t mean to make him think that. Eventually he got off again because he wanted me to be able to move on. With life. And we went back. To messaging each other at similarworlds and via email.. after he told me he got engaged he wished me to take care of myself and have a good life. He left me that last message on here a year and a half ago. It still kills me inside. Our friendship completely gone. I miss his voice, his smile, his face. I look at his two pictures of him that I have in my phone. I have no choice but to keep going but I don’t think I will ever completely. Get over him. I think I lost my soulmate or pretty close to it. I felt a piece of me left with him when he decided to end all communication with me and not be my friend anymore. It was my fault. For losing him as my boyfriend. And I feel I was so needy to him as a friend that he realized. Keeping contact with me was a bad idea and his girlfriend ( now wife. I’m assuming) would be suspicious and get different thoughts. If she saw me contact him too much. I still cry sometimes when I play a song that reminds me of him or watch a movie that. Was like our lives somewhat. I have to move on and probably stay single for the rest of my life. I don’t think I’ll ever love anyone else the way I loved him. I’m mostly happy he found a new love and got a new job. I hope his life is full of love and happiness. Even if it’s not with me. I will always love you Sujeet kumal jha and I want you to fly high and reach your dreams. I know he moved on because not. Even telling him about losing my grandparents, beloved dog, and supposedly being fatally sick was not enough to make him give a shit to respond if he even saw my messages. Maybe he put my messages in the trash now. Who knows? I just. Wish I wasn’t pining after someone. Who wants nothing to do with me anymore. It really hurts….