When bad days hit hard
I'm not crazy. I'm not needy. I'm aware.
When someone who fooled me into falling for them, who created a mutual bond slowly over years time takes days to reply — especially after I've shown care, interest, and consistency — it's not a sign of mystery or depth. It's a sign of disinterest, avoidance, or emotional unavailability. Everyone has their phone glued to their hand these days.
What confirms the avoidance is their refusal to even speak of the change. The little steps made over time that were laying ground for a complete detachment.
People who care make space. They don’t leave you pacing around in your own head. I’m not asking for too much — I’m just asking for the bare minimum: effort, respect, and presence. Then again, why should someone ask for just the bare minimum in any relationship, that's what boggles the mind.
I refuse to internalize silence as my fault. I see it for what it is: a reflection of them, not of my worth. I deserve to be chosen — consistently, not conveniently.
In the end, it's the easiest way out telling the old excuse of being ' busy'. But I know what it feels like when they make an effort, even when impossibly ' busy '.
It's a shame how someone who told you ' forever love' destroys your trust so easily to a point of not believing in love anymore. To a point of not wanting to go through the stage of meeting someone new because you fear you'll go through this hurt again.
It's like nothing that was shared matters. Now I'm left in this limbo on my own, to make sense of it. Normal people have conversations, no matter how uncomfortable they may be. But I can't get that from someone who runs away when things get real.
Love is not just fun. It's real, messy, filled with emotions. You can’t just run away like this. Doing everything to push someone away until they have no choice but accept your way or thr highway.
Keeping the door barely ajar to make tell yourself ' see, I'm not the bad one. I'm still here'.
But how? With popping in and out with surface level talk here and there. That does more and more damage over time. Keeping all the things unsaid, but knowing under the surface there's so much more.
I don't know if you're aware how used I feel. How discarded. I've been a bandaid to your wounds that someone else created. Once that wound healed a little, once you found a fool in me who genuinely fell for you, told how much you're worth,you took that bandaid off and threw it in the bin.
Remembering all the deflection. When you pull away so far from someone like you did, when you hurt them this much....if you have some awarness, you would know what you're doing.
There are days like this when some reminders hit me. Then I can't shake the thought of ' was she ever genuine in her words or actions. Did she do it all just to make herself feel something. Was I placeholder for someone?'
Then I realize she never loved me at all. She loved the validation, me showing up, caring, she loved having someone who wouid tell her everything she hasn't been told in a long while.
But I wasn't the one she wanted to hear it from. I was a placeholder for someone else.
Thats my conclusion. There's no other conclusion more real than this.
I did nothing wrong. What I did ' wrong ' was notice the shift in the dynamic, I acted by asking why. That was wrong apparently.
When someone who fooled me into falling for them, who created a mutual bond slowly over years time takes days to reply — especially after I've shown care, interest, and consistency — it's not a sign of mystery or depth. It's a sign of disinterest, avoidance, or emotional unavailability. Everyone has their phone glued to their hand these days.
What confirms the avoidance is their refusal to even speak of the change. The little steps made over time that were laying ground for a complete detachment.
People who care make space. They don’t leave you pacing around in your own head. I’m not asking for too much — I’m just asking for the bare minimum: effort, respect, and presence. Then again, why should someone ask for just the bare minimum in any relationship, that's what boggles the mind.
I refuse to internalize silence as my fault. I see it for what it is: a reflection of them, not of my worth. I deserve to be chosen — consistently, not conveniently.
In the end, it's the easiest way out telling the old excuse of being ' busy'. But I know what it feels like when they make an effort, even when impossibly ' busy '.
It's a shame how someone who told you ' forever love' destroys your trust so easily to a point of not believing in love anymore. To a point of not wanting to go through the stage of meeting someone new because you fear you'll go through this hurt again.
It's like nothing that was shared matters. Now I'm left in this limbo on my own, to make sense of it. Normal people have conversations, no matter how uncomfortable they may be. But I can't get that from someone who runs away when things get real.
Love is not just fun. It's real, messy, filled with emotions. You can’t just run away like this. Doing everything to push someone away until they have no choice but accept your way or thr highway.
Keeping the door barely ajar to make tell yourself ' see, I'm not the bad one. I'm still here'.
But how? With popping in and out with surface level talk here and there. That does more and more damage over time. Keeping all the things unsaid, but knowing under the surface there's so much more.
I don't know if you're aware how used I feel. How discarded. I've been a bandaid to your wounds that someone else created. Once that wound healed a little, once you found a fool in me who genuinely fell for you, told how much you're worth,you took that bandaid off and threw it in the bin.
Remembering all the deflection. When you pull away so far from someone like you did, when you hurt them this much....if you have some awarness, you would know what you're doing.
There are days like this when some reminders hit me. Then I can't shake the thought of ' was she ever genuine in her words or actions. Did she do it all just to make herself feel something. Was I placeholder for someone?'
Then I realize she never loved me at all. She loved the validation, me showing up, caring, she loved having someone who wouid tell her everything she hasn't been told in a long while.
But I wasn't the one she wanted to hear it from. I was a placeholder for someone else.
Thats my conclusion. There's no other conclusion more real than this.
I did nothing wrong. What I did ' wrong ' was notice the shift in the dynamic, I acted by asking why. That was wrong apparently.
