Band director

Oh my goodness! So, I found out that my high school band was going to be in Nashville from Oklahoma this weekend. The assistant band director is someone I have had a crush on since 8th grade, so I was excited to see him. With everything that I bought in preparation for seeing him, I spent almost $600. I got to ask him one question about a song they were playing and that was it. I kind of shot my shot on Facebook with him and told him that he looked good for 20 years later. He just said that he needs to lose 50 pounds and that he was glad to see me out there (in the audience). All I really wanted was a side hug and a conversation...nothing more, realistically. Did I have a fantasy of more? Uh...yeah! Lol! I wish we didn't live 10.5 hours away from each other (and that's no-stop, no traffic all along I-40 west, so figure those odds and it takes about 12-13 hours total). I have always had more than a crush on him. I have had serious feelings for him. I was so upset about everything today that, on my way home, I went and bought some alcohol (okay...quite a bit), but I haven't drank any of it yet. Lol! I just want to feel him near me again. My feelings were rushing back yesterday. They are leaving for home this morning. He said that he thought about moving here a couple of years ago, so I found a list of reasons to move to Nashville. Lol! Gah! I wish he would! Or, if he was to tell me there was no way things would happen between us, that would be fine, too. I have put myself in this limbo situation that I need his help to get me out of.