Is it really that rare to have never experienced true love at a very young age?
Sorry, this is a long one. You can skip to the last paragraph if you'd like, but the rest gives context.
I mean, I've only dated two people, and my last relationship ended nearly a decade ago. I stopped dating by choice, because it was then that I realized I was asexual (and a sex-repulsed one at that), and that I really didn't desire anything that separated a romantic relationship from a strong friendship. I absolutely understand that this isn't the norm, but it's how I was made.
So, I dated from ages 16 to 20. Neither relationship was anything special at all, and looking back, I never really felt "in love," nor did I feel loved. At the time, I thought I loved them because I cared about them as people and enjoyed spending time with them, but it was no more than I care about and enjoy any other close friend I've had. There was zero difference for me.
My experience with "young love" was honestly that the two guys I dated were more worried about what other people thought than anything else, were busy showing off (often at my expense; both loved to make fun of me and say cruel things about me in front of their friends), didn't really care how they affected me, and nothing felt like love at all. If I'm being honest, I was never truly attracted to either one of them and just tried to convince myself I was, because at the time I thought dating was just something you did and the feelings developed over time, and to be honest, I also had such low confidence that I thought I had to take what I could get. I think these guys chose me because we were already in the same friend group and I was the "safe choice."
There were times I did experience some sort of attraction, but it was not sexual, and it was very rare. I'm sure that sounds strange, but I've never had any sexual urges in my life, and I never thought about others in a sexual way. I did experience the butterflies and nervousness of a crush, but I daydreamed about conversations we'd have and time spent together. I never had sexual fantasies. Of course, the few times this happened, I kept it to myself and on the one occasion one found out, he did not reciprocate, so I've never experienced mutual attraction, even. The last time I felt any form of attraction was clear back in high school, nearly 11 years ago.
Anyway, I've talked to a lot of people over the years who don't seem to be very reminiscent of teen/young love and it's less common to see those relationships last long term, so I was always under the assumption that it was sort of a hit or miss thing. However, I recently talked to someone who strongly feels otherwise, that it is exactly like the movies, and that anyone who didn't experience it is hugely missing out on a crucial part of life. I've heard something similar about prom ("prom is one of the biggest/most important nights of your life") and do not feel that way at all after having attended both my junior an senior proms and them both being pretty forgettable compared to the rest of my life, but I have very limited experience on this other matter to really say one way or the other. To be honest, I'm not sure if I'm even capable of experiencing true romantic love at all due to the nature of how I am, and I'm okay with that, because I've come to terms with the fact that I'm very different in that regard. However, I'm curious as to others' perspectives on this. What do you think? Is it really that uncommon to have not experienced strong, genuine, movie-like young love, especially as a teen? Even if it wasn't for the same reasons as me?
I mean, I've only dated two people, and my last relationship ended nearly a decade ago. I stopped dating by choice, because it was then that I realized I was asexual (and a sex-repulsed one at that), and that I really didn't desire anything that separated a romantic relationship from a strong friendship. I absolutely understand that this isn't the norm, but it's how I was made.
So, I dated from ages 16 to 20. Neither relationship was anything special at all, and looking back, I never really felt "in love," nor did I feel loved. At the time, I thought I loved them because I cared about them as people and enjoyed spending time with them, but it was no more than I care about and enjoy any other close friend I've had. There was zero difference for me.
My experience with "young love" was honestly that the two guys I dated were more worried about what other people thought than anything else, were busy showing off (often at my expense; both loved to make fun of me and say cruel things about me in front of their friends), didn't really care how they affected me, and nothing felt like love at all. If I'm being honest, I was never truly attracted to either one of them and just tried to convince myself I was, because at the time I thought dating was just something you did and the feelings developed over time, and to be honest, I also had such low confidence that I thought I had to take what I could get. I think these guys chose me because we were already in the same friend group and I was the "safe choice."
There were times I did experience some sort of attraction, but it was not sexual, and it was very rare. I'm sure that sounds strange, but I've never had any sexual urges in my life, and I never thought about others in a sexual way. I did experience the butterflies and nervousness of a crush, but I daydreamed about conversations we'd have and time spent together. I never had sexual fantasies. Of course, the few times this happened, I kept it to myself and on the one occasion one found out, he did not reciprocate, so I've never experienced mutual attraction, even. The last time I felt any form of attraction was clear back in high school, nearly 11 years ago.
Anyway, I've talked to a lot of people over the years who don't seem to be very reminiscent of teen/young love and it's less common to see those relationships last long term, so I was always under the assumption that it was sort of a hit or miss thing. However, I recently talked to someone who strongly feels otherwise, that it is exactly like the movies, and that anyone who didn't experience it is hugely missing out on a crucial part of life. I've heard something similar about prom ("prom is one of the biggest/most important nights of your life") and do not feel that way at all after having attended both my junior an senior proms and them both being pretty forgettable compared to the rest of my life, but I have very limited experience on this other matter to really say one way or the other. To be honest, I'm not sure if I'm even capable of experiencing true romantic love at all due to the nature of how I am, and I'm okay with that, because I've come to terms with the fact that I'm very different in that regard. However, I'm curious as to others' perspectives on this. What do you think? Is it really that uncommon to have not experienced strong, genuine, movie-like young love, especially as a teen? Even if it wasn't for the same reasons as me?
26-30, F
