Love is really something, isn’t it?

I might sound desperate. Who knows maybe I am and I just don’t want to admit it. At least I know I’m not the only one that feels this way because hey maybe you guys do and I know my older brother does. Growing up and even now I don’t feel that love I should be getting. I know people love me but I wanna feel it. I haven’t had a hug in a long time. I’m not talking about a little side hug that friends usually give you after a long holiday break I mean a hug you get when someone actually misses you or just genuinely loves you. I don’t feel that love so I really want to be in a relationship, I know I don’t need to be in one but I do indeed want one. But then late at night I become that insecure over thinker again and think to myself “Why would anyone like someone like me with all the problems in my life” “I’m not like any other girls, I’m definitely not the prettiest or the smartest. I don’t have the perfect body or the softest hair, I’m not the right height everyone likes and I don’t have a laugh or a voice people like to hear” and I know I shouldn’t think that. And I hope the person that is reading this doesn’t feel that way. It’s nice to know someone can understand maybe just a little bit but in my opinion it hurts knowing how others hurt. But I think love is just the thing I need. I see couples and I wanna cry because I haven’t felt that in a long time. And at school I feel like I get mixed signals from boys but maybe I’m so desperate that I’m starting to overthink situations like that. I’m also not trying to sound selfish or greedy. It’s just I have so much problems in my life that no one has the time to even talk to me, scratch that they don’t even acknowledge me. I know I am loved but jeez I don’t feel like I am. Last time I was in a relationship which was last year I felt loved but then he started do things I did not feel comfortable with but that’s for a different story. I just wish that at some point I will get that type of love. I know I don’t 100% deserve it but I think everyone deserves it, even people who are cruel and heartless. I mean cmon, am I really that hard to love?