Healing from a Love Addiction: My Journey - 1

Separated from my ex-spouse more than a decade ago, I have not found myself in a thriving, romantic relationship. I have my excuses. I have been raising my kiddo single-handedly (graduating from college next year), I have a full-time job, and I try to live my own life while enjoying this independence. No real committed relationships. Not that I didn't try. Just excuses and a string of no-strings-attached (NSA) encounters. Too many of them.

Built a high wall around myself to keep from getting hurt. Told myself that I don't really need anyone and I could push on going after my dreams and my life goals.

The NSA's took on a 2-year pause because of the pandemic. Then a couple of months ago, I decided it was safe to be socially active again. I didn't expect that the first person I'd meet would be giving me some sleepless nights (no -- not because we'd be spending a lot of time in between the sheets), because, instead of treating him as just another encounter (and I would have just been fine with that), I allowed him to get close and see a part of the real me.

I've fallen for him. Hard. But the fear of abandonment, which I have come to acknowledge, has had a strong grip on me, and the fight to overcome this is a lot harder.

(There's a lot to unload, so I'll write it down in a series.)