I Love to Write
How many days did I spend alone?
It looks like my busy life and my desperation to catch up blurred
My vision of the present. I did not notice how lonely I really was. I knew I was alone, desperately alone, but hope made me believe that this would be temporary.
I focused on the positives instead of the thing that was clearly sucking out my soul.
As a result my life became a chasing, a searching for embers so I could one day have a flame. I worked hard, grew with the company I worked for. All the while making myself available to the people I worked with. After all I needed them. I needed someone. Days turned to months as I counted the times I would order meals after a long shift at work, only to sit at an empty table. Then I would board the bus and make my way to my empty apartment. Only to go to sleep and do it all over again.
I think to myself now. How many weekends wasted? How much time spent wondering what I did wrong. And now today I wonder how this all will end. I asked a guy I worked with if he wanted to hang out on our breaks. He said he would let me know. That was two months ago. What’s worse is that now he avoids me at all cost. I’ve never felt pain like that. I don’t know why but that one hit me. Maybe it was because of how fast everything changed between us? Maybe it was the fact that I kind of had feelings for him? Maybe it’s just the compiling weight of all my years spent alone.
It looks like my busy life and my desperation to catch up blurred
My vision of the present. I did not notice how lonely I really was. I knew I was alone, desperately alone, but hope made me believe that this would be temporary.
I focused on the positives instead of the thing that was clearly sucking out my soul.
As a result my life became a chasing, a searching for embers so I could one day have a flame. I worked hard, grew with the company I worked for. All the while making myself available to the people I worked with. After all I needed them. I needed someone. Days turned to months as I counted the times I would order meals after a long shift at work, only to sit at an empty table. Then I would board the bus and make my way to my empty apartment. Only to go to sleep and do it all over again.
I think to myself now. How many weekends wasted? How much time spent wondering what I did wrong. And now today I wonder how this all will end. I asked a guy I worked with if he wanted to hang out on our breaks. He said he would let me know. That was two months ago. What’s worse is that now he avoids me at all cost. I’ve never felt pain like that. I don’t know why but that one hit me. Maybe it was because of how fast everything changed between us? Maybe it was the fact that I kind of had feelings for him? Maybe it’s just the compiling weight of all my years spent alone.
