I'm afraid I don't know enough about what your life was like with him, so I probably don't know how to respond to this. So, rather than try give advice, come up with some clever response, or fall back on some empty platitude, this gesture will have to do for now.
If I were to give any advice, it would be, just be patient with yourself and accept your feelings as they come, without shame or blame. Like I said, I don't really know much about the situation, but it sounds like you're grieving, and there's no set time frame on that. Sadly, there's no way around it, only through it. But you may be surprised by what's on the other side.
I'm glad I came across your post, because it's a good reminder to me that I'm not the only one who is hurting and missing someone.
