Okay I am going to try this. Since personally I do not believe our experiences and stories have only one way to be told but plenty

I am going to try, at least I need to give this a try, to narrate a good story for my camping trip.

It is a shame that it is not a choice this time, and I have to admit that I got scared of it after staying 3 months in the camping last summer - not that I did not enjoy it...but it carried an intensity, that of necessity - it is indeed different where choices are made out of a spot of power rather than a place of need.

Of course, I do enjoy need, there is something direct about it, and the exchange, can be full of emotions, and so much initiations happen over there. So many relationships, and so on and so forth.

But, I will stay with the mind for a bit, detached from the pleasure and needs. That which is the power. Let's talk with the manager.

So I will try to be returning to this force within me.

In this identity, I have it all and there's nothing to worry about, and all is just play. But I have to be cautious, not carrying this identity out in order to escape from the other one identity, that of the woman who is capable of feeling through the world.

I can see my problem here, my dichotomy, my separation. I call it moving through perspectives, but it can certainly be dangerous. I do not want to be moving out of fear. I want to accept and to embrace fear, but I want, for as much as I can, to be moving out of choice.

So I will try, to create a story that will help me move. I know, once I will be on the road, life will smile at me, and also I know I will get tired and at times scared and frustrated, just like anyone gets in life, any day.

What will be my story this time? I do not need to write the whole of it, life will take care of it. But I need a strong opening, the beginning, an empowering point to go from, rather than fighting mode of "I am afraid and I am pushing through neverthless" - I want something different.....

If you can come up with a good opening scene, I would love to hear about it.

..
Anyways tomorrow is going to be a big day, so I won't stay long and then I will try to get some rest. I am not leaving tomorrow but the day after, so there is time.

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Boeing · 36-40

So my story so far, I will go for vacation.... Will try to spend as much time as possible away from devices, as I am overdoing it.. Will try to eat less and more simply, since I am overdoing it again. Is going to be a relaxing and cleansing journey, at the pace which feels most comfortable and will be to be decided as I go. The first step and only plan is to move outside of the city... Once I am out there, which is a matter of an hour really if not less, I will get myself an iced coffee at some place and breathe and will enjoy the freedom and the unknown.
I will be reminded of my strength and too how, this can be fun and I don't need to get into the narratives and the fears.

I am somewhat disappointed in you though, but I understand all is happening under divine intervention.

But I must say it, I am disappointed that you cannot hold me, and you can only be here to applaud when I'm happy and strong. This will be remembered. Even if it is just a matter of timing, I know your capacity, so I won't fall in surprise.

Do I have to do it all alone? Well for the time being. I am too stubborn, and too proud and too sensitive and these aren't helping. But at least I can write and express and this alone bring me a certain comfort and release.

Back to the plan. I can't take the drum, it's okay. I will take some art materials though. I have some ideas...

I am trying to not run fast, to not try to arrange things. I do not wish to move out of fear, I must repeat.

It's okay I will be without the drum since I got my voice, and I can sing, even without the drum. Oh gosh I wanted to take it...! But it's destiny babe, so then when I will have it, I will know it and appreciate it.
I am also thinking of how I would need to get a small one, just to take it along easily.

Since I am alone here, I can stop worrying about the lengths of my texts -finally- to not bother anyone and to make it accordingly to the "common sense" so people won't get bored reading.
AH! I can breathe through my lengths.
As long as it will be day, all is well, but I should be finding a spot to camp before it's too late. I think I can really go slow as needed, stay one day here and one day there. And yes, I know how I hate setting up the tent and picking it up back again, but this too can change. If I can manage to approach my movable home with appreciation and see where the journey takes me.. I don't bother about the distance. I don't have really a destination. I mean yes, there is this place that I am thinking of going, but I might change my mind on the way and just keep on going and who knows what - I am more ready for that right now, to be careful so each of my moments is a happy moment where I am at ease, rather than trying to push in order to -this or in order to -that.

And I will be finding myself a place daily to have a coffee and charge my devices - that will ease the journey and my emotions too. Is really not a moment where I want to isolate. And I think that is the biggest and realest roots of my problem. But it might be, a problem from this perspective I am into right now. Once I begin to move, my perspective will change.

I might even try selling some art on the streets. I want to try and operate on both extremities, more or less like a throat singing on two tones - on a low and on a high, and just at the same time.

Weird weird, crazy creative and I love it.

Okay much better.

💜 Love to all.

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