April 22: No Small Journey

There was a way 
this could have existed…
not hidden, not contained,
but moving easily
 between worlds,

real and open,

something we could have lived in

without hesitation.

I saw it clearly.
Not as a fantasy,
as something possible.

Us in the light.

In real moments.

In a life with laughter and friendship
that didn’t require distance nor disguise
 to survive.

It wasn’t too much.
It just wasn’t something
 you would choose.

I miss you.
In the quiet spaces
 where you used to be…

in the instinct to reach for you,

in the conversations that still form

before I remember you’re no longer there.

I still want you in my life.

I still want to talk with you.

That hasn’t changed.

But I have.

I can’t live in something
 that only exists in one place,

that asks me to divide my world

to keep it alive.

I wanted something real.

Something that could stand 
in both worlds 
without breaking.

And you won’t meet me there.

So this is where I stand…
not without feeling,
not without wanting you
even now,
but in understanding.

Understanding
 that wanting you

isn’t enough 
to stay.

I want you.
And I still walk away.




April writing prompts:
https://similarworlds.com/literature/creative-writing/5542996-April-Writing-Prompts-I-hope-these-inspire-you-Im-going-to