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Montanaman Oh, dear heart, I wish I had known that. I'm so very sorry for your pain. So many of us has been at that darkest and deepest place, I assure you. I know I have and I have to be honest about that, yet there is hope. There is always hope. People don't believe it but God is there and he's listening. I can assure you he has heard your prayers but sometimes we have to go through the rough times in order to realize the good times, but most of all to become aware of how much we actually need the Lord in our lives. People usually don't realize that until they hit rock bottom and then they finally look and the only place they've never looked before, and that is up.
I'm going to ask you to please go to the link below and read my full reply to this lady who insists on killing herself. She's bound and determined.
I'm not the smartest person in the world nor the wisest by any means, but I do know what happened to me and that has helped me help others that have been in their darkest moments. I only know from experience. That's all I can share. And I pray that what I wrote will somehow help you. There IS hope. God is definitely there. Not just for when we need something but because we really need him all the time, not just when we're in despair. What I love about the Lord is that he loves us just at the place we're in at the moment. Unconditionally. Without reservation. Without us having to do something to win his favor because he already loves us, just as we are. We don't have to jump hoops to please him. He waits for us but he won't force himself on us. The minute we decide to invite him into our hearts and lives forever, that's the very minute he jumps at the chance to let us know he's there and he'll never let us down. He immediately comes to us, rescues us like none other, and sends His Holy Spirit to dwell in us and guide us in life. I can tell you from my heart that I walked down the aisle in church to give my heart and life to Jesus, but nothing happened. You know why? Because I still wanted to do things my way, the selfish way and just partly give God my heart. But one night as I was dying in my mobile home, lying in my bed, I got honest with God and I told him I was sorry that I had wasted my life and not even thought about him but only was willing to give him half my heart, and that's not love. When we love someone we give them our whole heart, not half. I told him right then and there that I was sorry that I wasted my whole life and didn't even give him a thought and that I wanted to make it up to him. I told him if you will save me and let me live, then I will give you my whole heart and life and make it up to you. And that's exactly what I did. I gave him my whole heart and mind and I was totally shocked when he heard me and he saved me. To think that the God of this universe would hear my little prayer is just mind blowing, but that's exactly what he did when I was willing to give him my all. The key to salvation is total commitment. God does not want half our heart. He gave his whole heart and life on the cross. I could not give him less and I've never been sorry. There is absolutely no substitute in this world for Jesus. People in Hollywood have all the money and riches and cars and houses they could want, but they're still not happy because those are just
things. They cannot do for us, what Jesus can do. And that's why some are so unhappy there and commit suicide. That just shows that money can't buy everything and it can't make you happy. One has to be happy in their spirit as well as their life. Without that peace and love in the spirit, it just don't cut it. And only the Lord can provide that. I found that out real quick. I committed my heart and life to Jesus on July 21st, 1973 and I can tell you with all my heart that I've never been sorry. He has never let me down and that doesn't mean he gives me everything I ask for. He gives me exactly what I need and I could never do without him. Nobody ever loved me enough to die for me to save me from the condemnation that sin placed on all of us, and that's why we need Jesus.
https://similarworlds.com/mental-issues/depression-anxiety/5096067-Im-waiting-to-die-Ive-got-my-suicide-method-prepared-and-Ive
