I Express Myself Through Writing
I feel like im seriously in retrograde. At first i was feeling good but now that ive actually tried to get back out people have started ignoring me again and i find it hard to be with myself. Im finding it jard to look at myself again. I just feel so gross. So so so gross. I feel like im going back to that point where i feel trie disgust when i look at myself and i dont know what to do about it.
I javent listened to any of yhose motivation videos lately but jesus i cant wait until i het my money right.
Everyo e else is out there trying to find love and i cant even make one damn friend.
But maybe im asking for too much. Maybe i ask too many questions. I feel so ignored. Its when i get in these moods. I just dont know what to do. I uave no one to vent to so my feelings just eat me from the inside out. Its like my energy has been zapped. Theres just a lot of fear in me lately. A lot of uneasyness. Ive been getting ignored a lot lately and i dont think i can explain in any way shape or form how much that hurts me. What are words even. I dont manifest my emotions in the same ways others do. Most jokes go straight over my head and i wont laugh if i dont understand why its funny (though i have learned its probably better to do otherwise). I see how others act and i see that they have friends. Girls have boyfriends but are still getting hit on while i over here cant even muster the confidence to look another person in the eye let alone say hi to my co workers when i enter the office.
I feel like i had been leaving my brain as of lately but now its reeling me back in so fast im having trouble dealing with my emotions. And i know every hates being around sad people cause feelings really are contagious. Im probably hurt too easily. I over think things way too much.
I wish i could just numb my brian sometimes and tell it to shut up. Just shut up for a second will you brain. Youre making it hard to breathe. Hard to think clearly. Hard to interact with people around me. I know this is just an internal battle. My level of mental fortitude is way too low. Im working on getting it back up. It seem im still at the point where the bad days out weigh the good days
I went on my first date last monday and since then my feelings have just gradually hit the fan. And here i am trying to piece myself back together. I just wanna go to the gym and run on the treadmill for some hours. Then sit in a sauna. So thats what ill do with my day off today.
Maybe ill go take pictures in a park too or something.
I javent listened to any of yhose motivation videos lately but jesus i cant wait until i het my money right.
Everyo e else is out there trying to find love and i cant even make one damn friend.
But maybe im asking for too much. Maybe i ask too many questions. I feel so ignored. Its when i get in these moods. I just dont know what to do. I uave no one to vent to so my feelings just eat me from the inside out. Its like my energy has been zapped. Theres just a lot of fear in me lately. A lot of uneasyness. Ive been getting ignored a lot lately and i dont think i can explain in any way shape or form how much that hurts me. What are words even. I dont manifest my emotions in the same ways others do. Most jokes go straight over my head and i wont laugh if i dont understand why its funny (though i have learned its probably better to do otherwise). I see how others act and i see that they have friends. Girls have boyfriends but are still getting hit on while i over here cant even muster the confidence to look another person in the eye let alone say hi to my co workers when i enter the office.
I feel like i had been leaving my brain as of lately but now its reeling me back in so fast im having trouble dealing with my emotions. And i know every hates being around sad people cause feelings really are contagious. Im probably hurt too easily. I over think things way too much.
I wish i could just numb my brian sometimes and tell it to shut up. Just shut up for a second will you brain. Youre making it hard to breathe. Hard to think clearly. Hard to interact with people around me. I know this is just an internal battle. My level of mental fortitude is way too low. Im working on getting it back up. It seem im still at the point where the bad days out weigh the good days
I went on my first date last monday and since then my feelings have just gradually hit the fan. And here i am trying to piece myself back together. I just wanna go to the gym and run on the treadmill for some hours. Then sit in a sauna. So thats what ill do with my day off today.
Maybe ill go take pictures in a park too or something.
