May writing prompts- Unraveled.

I was just supposed to be a relapse.
It was just supposed to help me get through the crisis.
But I'm learning it's more than just a relapse.
And it helps me when I am not in a crisis.

It has turned into a habit
Like a drug that I am hooked on.
I tried so hard to break this habit.
It was like a switch that has been turned on.

It was just supposed to be one time.
I was supposed to throw it away.
Now im unraveling and wanting to do it all the time.
I'm having a hard time walking away.

Most people think it's suicidal behavior and I need to stop before I go too far.
But it honestly, is the only thing that is helping me.
I've done this most of my life now when I have gone too far.
I just wish there was someone I could talk to, who would understand me.