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AlyAngel · F
Paralyzed
It flashed on the screen.
It was just one scene.
It paralyzed me with fear.
I wanted to disappear.
I shut my eyes, but not fast enough.
I wish I am not affected by this stuff.
I wish I could forget what I saw.
I wish this is not my biggest flaw.
I do not want to remember my past.
But sometimes, I am still that abused kid from my past.
I still remember the pain he caused me.
I still remember my mom pretending not to see.
Remembering paralyzes me.
What I want more than anything is to be set free.
I don't want to remember what his breath smelled like.
I do not want to remember what his hands on my body felt like.
I can still remember my screams as I begged him to stop.
I am paralyzed remembering him on top.
Maybe one day, I can see something on the tv and not be brought back to that time of my life.
But right now, this pain has me paralyzed like I have been stabbed by a knife.
It flashed on the screen.
It was just one scene.
It paralyzed me with fear.
I wanted to disappear.
I shut my eyes, but not fast enough.
I wish I am not affected by this stuff.
I wish I could forget what I saw.
I wish this is not my biggest flaw.
I do not want to remember my past.
But sometimes, I am still that abused kid from my past.
I still remember the pain he caused me.
I still remember my mom pretending not to see.
Remembering paralyzes me.
What I want more than anything is to be set free.
I don't want to remember what his breath smelled like.
I do not want to remember what his hands on my body felt like.
I can still remember my screams as I begged him to stop.
I am paralyzed remembering him on top.
Maybe one day, I can see something on the tv and not be brought back to that time of my life.
But right now, this pain has me paralyzed like I have been stabbed by a knife.
ChampagneOnIce · 51-55, F
@AlyAngel Expressive writing. I felt it. I am so, so sorry. No one should go through that ever.
AlyAngel · F
@ChampagneOnIce I hope it doesn't upset anyone, I just wanted to get the thoughts out, I was hoping it would help me feel a bit better but I honestly think it just opened up some wounds I thought I had closed. It is gonna be a long night if I don't get control of my emotions now...
ChampagneOnIce · 51-55, F
@AlyAngel Writing is helpful to me. I totally understand needing to get the thoughts and emotions out. I hope you’re able to focus on something else, something that brings you joy. I know how hard it is to get control of strong emotions.