Hesitant tears

Hesitant Tears

My face turned downwards as if trying to hide my face from the world
I can feel the sting sensation in my eyes as I blink without thinking
Red and burning from too many tears that should have stopped by now
Deep within I feel something that makes me want to shudder
A pain more real than anything I could ever imagine again

Trying to be strong and force back the tears that this pain fuels
Wanting to make them stop before I am made to explain
Thoughts of how many tears are enough for what I helped bring to an end
Again the tears fall to the ground as the shudders reach out and touch me again

My moment alone is now gone as I hear the sounds of people around me
Taking a breath and wiping my eyes as I take another second to compose myself
Looking up from where I am sat and seeing people approaching
Finding calm for now as I need to show the face people need to see

Forcing the tears back I bring myself to stop knowing that they will come again