Payback (received and deserved)

Payback

I wonder where things went wrong.
I know there was blame to be thrown around
Were things doomed from the start?
This was something I wanted but did not think I ever could

The guilt at the things I held back from you
The fear when the guilt gave way to truth
The relief as things did not crash and burn as expected
Each day growing stronger from that place on

Like a captive in the prison of my life
I could feel you step forth and set me free
The sun shone down on me once more and the future felt better
The gifts you gave just made me feel stronger and stronger

But just even the brightest flame must burn out
I felt you slip away moment by moment
I hold myself responsible in some ways
Never should I have let you be put in that position

So now it is gone and every day seems a little longer
Now I stand back and watch from the shadows
The touch of light fading from my life
Fate offering the payback I deserve for not being enough