C'est la vie
Last year this time, I was in quarantine.. and I was having such a good time!
It because I was away from my family house, and I just felt such peace of mind, and felt FREE even though I was not allowed to step outside my room 🥔🤷♀️
I was thinking a lot about immigration at the time.. That experience was an eye opener for me.. I felt like I was out of jail, and it gave me a push to take that step, because I didn't want to get back in the jail again... I thought at the time that next year this time I'd be in Canada. My one and only concern was my mother and what my departure would do to her mentally (really a lot to talk about here, but I am not going to get into it).. Little did I know that I would lose my mother next year, and that I'd be in a different house with more freedom, not because I made my move, but because she is no longer in this life..
But this house, it is still not what I need (a lot to talk about here again)..My current house is not a home, and it is still restricting my freedom in many ways.. My first real home will be in Canada, and it is when I will experience real independence and freedom... Maybe many of you don't understand what I am even talking about, but let's just say that not all of us were born with freedom of choice as a granted right. ..
It saddens me often that there was no truly happy ending to my situation... The only way for me to achieve such independence and peace of mind was to lose my mother... So I had to suffer through her loss, but on the other hand, now I could just move on..
Even after I have lost her, I do not blame the old me who enjoyed every minute outside that house.. I still remember what I was going through.. I still remember what an energy drainer that place was, with all the lack of emotions, freedom, and privacy.. So no, I know I had the right to feel the way I was feeling..
.. But I just wish life wasn't that sad, that it could not give you everything, or not exactly everything, but it could not let me keep both, my mother and my freedom.. These two were like on opposite sides...
But I guess, c'est la vie.. right 🤷♀️🥔
[media=https://youtu.be/LiCV5VKTWHE]
It because I was away from my family house, and I just felt such peace of mind, and felt FREE even though I was not allowed to step outside my room 🥔🤷♀️
I was thinking a lot about immigration at the time.. That experience was an eye opener for me.. I felt like I was out of jail, and it gave me a push to take that step, because I didn't want to get back in the jail again... I thought at the time that next year this time I'd be in Canada. My one and only concern was my mother and what my departure would do to her mentally (really a lot to talk about here, but I am not going to get into it).. Little did I know that I would lose my mother next year, and that I'd be in a different house with more freedom, not because I made my move, but because she is no longer in this life..
But this house, it is still not what I need (a lot to talk about here again)..My current house is not a home, and it is still restricting my freedom in many ways.. My first real home will be in Canada, and it is when I will experience real independence and freedom... Maybe many of you don't understand what I am even talking about, but let's just say that not all of us were born with freedom of choice as a granted right. ..
It saddens me often that there was no truly happy ending to my situation... The only way for me to achieve such independence and peace of mind was to lose my mother... So I had to suffer through her loss, but on the other hand, now I could just move on..
Even after I have lost her, I do not blame the old me who enjoyed every minute outside that house.. I still remember what I was going through.. I still remember what an energy drainer that place was, with all the lack of emotions, freedom, and privacy.. So no, I know I had the right to feel the way I was feeling..
.. But I just wish life wasn't that sad, that it could not give you everything, or not exactly everything, but it could not let me keep both, my mother and my freedom.. These two were like on opposite sides...
But I guess, c'est la vie.. right 🤷♀️🥔
[media=https://youtu.be/LiCV5VKTWHE]
31-35, F
