I Wish I Were Me - But I don’t exist

I’m not me and it pains me
Because what I want and need are so aligned
But the things that could take me there
Are just trying to unwind

All the progress All the things I’ve been through
Just another nothing more. of mine
Feelings felt that overwhelmed me
I’m nothing if not - Blind

And where is it that my mind wanders
As it scrolls back through all my times
And finds the accusations left
Here inside of my own mind

And guilt the never ending curse
That causes me to falter
Here inside the season; Falling
Upon this endless useless alter

And sure, maybe I’ve done some things
That I am not quite proud of
But does that make me just a sheep
Who’s blood is simply proffered

And as I slip back into it
That grave I felt like digging
Perhaps I should take one last drink
Of everything that’s not forgiving

And maybe as I touch the sky
I should admit that my one true folly
Was flying far too close to the sun
Simply just to burn without the glory

And if God has left me here
To wallow in this mire
Maybe it’s just best for everyone
If I just let my heart expire

~The Snowdog

Maybe all I have left to look forward to is an afterlife of pain, fire and brimstone?

After all, that was my entirety in this waking world anyway.

At least I smiled and went to bed 2 days in a row with a real smile.
I guess I can thank the world for that…