I'm sorry you're going through all that, I hope you are able to find comfort you need. For me, I watch adventure time when I'm stressing out. Also I know this is generic advice, but have you considered talking to a psychologist or behavior cognitive therapy or breathwork too. Not all psychologists are good but I'm sure there's someone out there that is versed in trauma counseling.

Breathwork there's lots of different types, you kind of have to be mindful as there's dangers to breathwork but it's still a good practice as it can calm the nervous system.

I'd also consider support groups for women who been assaulted and opening up there. It's always good to do your research before opening up but it may benefit you to find others who been through the same thing as you as you are not alone. From what I know, there's a lot of others who feel the same things, people just don't open up and be vulnerable so it appears like you're alone when you're not.

I wish the best for you, I do know it's hard but you do have so much to live for. You can do things for yourself and do things that uplift yourself only. Don't worry about nobody else.