Do not take this the wrong way at all. I say this because I genuinely feel for you since I've been there and there's still little moments like that to this day. But there is more to life than the family you didn't choose. You do have a future (IDC if you have to make that a mantra for you to believe that). There's gonna be hard knocks along the way but also some awesome moments. The pain you're in right now, is just a season to prepare you for a world that may or may not accept you for whatever reason (you can't please everyone). You're shaping up...but this is also several life lessons in one. You don't want to end it all, you want to live your life as you are. That's why it hurts so much. Family may have treated you with hate (idk you're whole story), but why are you making your anger affordable to them? Even more so, why are you agreeing and validating their treatment of you by having the same hatred towards yourself too? Your anger and hatred is going to take a detrimental toll on you more so than what they could ever say to you. You gotta let it go and forgive them for their stupidity because they're human and flawed too (doesn't mean what did is right. It just means YOU'RE MOVING ON FROM IT)...and when you do that, part of it is understanding your expectations of how someone else should be is setting yourself up for disappointment. You, society, the world may say, "They're my parents. They're supposed to support and love me and just accept me for who I am." The idea is that they should, but not everyone's parents are built the same. Also, again, idk if they even really hate you as much as you think they do too. So I can't judge on that, especially when it could be a misunderstanding or their own insecurities getting in the way (like living vicariously through you). My point still stands if they really do or not regardless. But it's just like how every single one of us can't fit into a single mold or idea of how we should be..for better or worse. You have a lot of reflecting to do inward. When you finally reach the point by learning these lessons, it will take effort to do to change your natural response to all of that, but omg friend you will feel a weight off your shoulders and feel free to focus on what you want out of life...and the peanut gallery when they chime in... it's not going to hold you back, let alone upset your spirit.

I hope I didn't sound harsh to you. I hope you understand what I'm sharing with you. And I hope you understand that all of what I wrote I say with love for you because I would have told younger self this too out of self love. I can't wait for you to feel free from all of that because it's coming like a train...even though things may seem bleak right now. 🫂🩵

*Edited because of grammar issues and revisions. I haven't slept in 36 hours so sorry 😬*

my parents are also like that i understand ur pain...