Ehllie, I grew up in a house like this. I acted out because I was so miserable at home. I am almost 50 now and still try to have a relationship with her but she doesn't really make any effort. My best was never enough even as an adult. You can love your mother and not necessarily love what she does. My honest advice would be to keep your head down and do what you got to do to get through until you are old enough to leave, You are not ugly and you cannot take all those bad things and internalize them or you will start believing you are ugly. Unhappy people tend to try and make others unhappy too. Don't fall into the vicious cycle. You can be happy.