what's a meaningful title? ^^

Yesterday and today are both upsetting. I lost to my friend in a competition. this has happened many times before. ofcourse I get that my parents are upset, disappointed, sad, angry. but they don't have to stop entirely my sport. I love my sport okay. I've been doing it since I was 7. I literally won gold for team??? like?? there's no worth. imagine training everyday sacrificing my sleep from evening to 10pm + school ? "u didn't even try" hah. the worst part is I don't even know who to talk to. My own coach, who I looked up as a brother, because he was coaching me since 7, confessed his feelings to me. How am I supposed to feel? He's old. He even touch me. Im scared. I couldn't tell this to my parents. I don't feel the family bond. It's like, I'm not close and brave enough to tell. I mean by. Even my own parents? didn't even try to understand me and said I've been playing around too much and not training. they weren't even home most of the time. maximum times I see them in a year is like 12. Its draining. I put effort and no one sees it. they only congratulate my little sister, and straight away ask me to quit. I'm proud for my sister. but it feels. unfair yk. at her age I was begging my parents to let me stay in this sport. she didn't even need to try. it's not really a big deal bcs i love her. Actually. I hope. I disappear from this world. I can't see my future shining bright. I can't see my parents supporting me. I get it they were secretly supporting me by paying for my lessons. but they gave up. they have no hope for me. they have other family. I don't really have a close friend so it shouldn't be a problem. idk
I can tell that next time I read this I will be cringing at myself for sure.