Sad
Only logged in members can reply and interact with the post.
Join SimilarWorlds for FREE »

The speed of lonliness

I guess I never really realized until just the other day how alone I feel even in a crowd of people. I travel a lot. My home life sucks really....it's not terrible, but I feel alone there too. Something happened that made it pretty plain that maybe the problem is me. I am stuck in rut. I don't complain and just take things as they come. Like many, I wait for others to reach out and then my response is probably less than satisfactory, or they just plain don't reach out. When I am traveling, even in a group, I tend to keep to myself.

The other night, I was way out of town and could not sleep in my hotel room. I had not really eaten anything and decided to try and find an all-night cafe and get a bite to eat. It was almost 2AM on a Wednesday night, so not exactly a busy evening. As I sat at the counter and ate my meal, a young lady came in. I really didn't notice until she sat down at the counter a couple seats down from me that she was disheveled, but dressed to kill. As I glanced over at her, she looked at me and said hello. I nodded to her and went back to my meal. She got my attention by asking if I wanted some company. "Why not?" I said and she moved down to a chair next to mine. She had not ordered anything and the waitress came over and asked what she could get her. I didn't notice at first that the waitress had a bit of a disgusted look on her face. The gal asked for a glass of water and nothing else.

It occurred to me that this gal maybe didn't have any money, so I asked her if she was hungry and wanted something to eat. She looked at me with a very sad look and said she didn't have enough to buy anything. I told her I would cover it, joking that "us late nighters have to stick together." I honestly don't remember what she ordered, but she cheered up a bit as he ate and began asking questions. Why are you out so late? Where do you live? What do you do? I explained that I was traveling on business and staying at a hotel about 3 blocks down the street and I returned the questions.

Again oblivious to her response, "I'm just getting done with work, It's been really slow and I live around here."

I finished my meal, paid for both hers and mine tipped the waitress (who I am sure was rolling her eyes at me) and got up to leave. "Nice to meet you," I said and headed for the door. I was about a block away, walking back to the hotel when she rushed up beside me. She thanked me for the meal and asked me if I wanted some company. Again, oblivious to what was going on, I told her, I think I can get to sleep now, so thanks, but no. She looked a little deflated and sat down on a bench. I continued on to my hotel and crawled in bed. I still couldn't sleep.

Just before dawn I snapped awake and realized what the gals "work" was. As I lay there awake, I suddenly had a longing for some affection. Something I have been missing in my life literally for years. How could I have been so stupid? I spent the next evening driving up and down the streets looking for her out of some fantasy that maybe I could help her and she would have a genuine interest in me for helping her and maybe I could finally get some of the genuine affection that I am craving.

I never saw her again. Probably for the best, but it certainly opened up my eyes to the fact that I need a change.
goliathtree · 56-60, M
Sometimes you have to play the cards you have been dealt. Had you found her, you probably would have found that there were many underlying issues that would have made your wish impossible, but it sounds like you have a good heart. You should be able to find what you need if you just look.
AnonymousConfessor · 56-60, M
@goliathtree You're right. I am sure that she had other things driving her to do what she does, but a bit of fantasy is not always a bad thing. I do kind of kick myself for not realizing her profession right from the get-go. Just more proof that I am too wrapped up internally.
Misanthropic · 26-30, M
Good on you for showing the girl some kindness, it's always nice to see people looking out for others facing hard times maybe that is your solution to loneliness (helping people).
AnonymousConfessor · 56-60, M
@Misanthropic I wasn't really consciously helping her and I certainly didn't realize what she did for a living.
Thank you for being brave and sharing.
AnonymousConfessor · 56-60, M
@BrokenAbyss It's not all that brave really. No one knows me here and I don't know anyone else! Pretty safe.
@AnonymousConfessor you admitted it to yourself. That’s brave. Doesn’t matter who is looking or not.
tangent connection existing only in my mind:
[media=https://youtu.be/PoZ19QY7Lzs]
AnonymousConfessor · 56-60, M
@stound No, actually I was thinking of this song when I wrote this. So you are correct.
Mindful · 56-60, F
Good luck dear
AnonymousConfessor · 56-60, M
@Mindful I think I am going to need it. Thanks.
lonEliness

You did what was supposed to be done.
ravenhill · 46-50, M
not reading all that.
This comment is hidden. Show Comment

 
Post Comment