Reflection.. trying to phuking understand

I seriously do not know how I would have dealt with the stress of moving, had my mother been around.. If I had to worry about her, and be guilted.. It is crazy, I don't think I could have handled it well.. I don't think this whole thing would have been easy at ANY level.. Even preparation for the move. would have. been difficult as hell. I really do not know how I would have done it.

I mean I thought I'd be more at ease now with my move, but for some reason I am not. I am just always stressed and in a bad mood. I know part of the stress is about my current surroundings and family which I don't talk about on here often.. but still, it is not major... Probably I am still mourning and still have a lot of anger about the past, frustration and regrets .. I feel a lot of what I am feeling is not exactly about the move, but rather residual mental stress that's manifested by the move...

All I know is that I want to do it soon and at the same timing I initially planned.. Even if I had to keep the damn braces and take them off there 🥔🤷‍♀️