Uhhhhh .. :/

I wanna give in to the dysfunction..Which is food or a guy :( i wanna feel comforted..Im stressed out and tired of fighting so hard to change for the better and not reaping the fruits of my labor fast enough..I guess i could do some meditation or affirmations but i need instant gratification which is eat a lot of carbs or find some toxic guy to get my hopes up with only to feel suicidal when he leaves...The latter being an extreme only when my love addiction has been at its worse luckily im getting better at avoiding those pitfalls and trying not to ignore the red flags..Guess i just needed to vent about it and get it out of my head.. :/