I Am So Stressed Out I Want to Cry and Scream
I just want to share what I'm feeling- I don't know if it's going to make me feel better, but at least I'm trying.
The place I live in, my so called "home" stresses me out so bad I feel sick. I've been mentally and verbally abused by my parents for my whole life. Currently I am forced (by my financial situation) to live with them and even though I do everything I possibly can to make myself stay busy (I am a full time college student, I work on my IT technician degree on weekends and work part time) the $h!t hits the fan when I don't have school/college/work and have to be home for the large amounts of time. I'm (so help me, God) moving out within the next several months, but this place still makes me feel like I'm dying. I've had some neurological issues connected to a severe prolonged stress lately and I feel like my health is getting worse again. The Christmas break is killing me, I miss school, I miss being out of here, I miss being busy and not having to be around my family all the time. Their presence stresses me out so bad I'm nauseous, the sound of their footsteps in the hallway makes my heart rate increase crazily. Every time I talk to my parents they manage to say something hurtful between the lines. I think I may be suffering from neurosis, because I'm experiencing physical pain and symptoms that don't seem to be connected to any real disease/bodily dysfunction. I am nervous all the time, I can't sit without moving my foot back and forth, or playing with a pen etc. because I am so irritated and anxious I can't relax even for a second. My body is tired and sore because my muscles are super tense all the time. I have troubles falling asleep and I have nightmares.
I am slowly going completely crazy.
And it scares me so bad.
The place I live in, my so called "home" stresses me out so bad I feel sick. I've been mentally and verbally abused by my parents for my whole life. Currently I am forced (by my financial situation) to live with them and even though I do everything I possibly can to make myself stay busy (I am a full time college student, I work on my IT technician degree on weekends and work part time) the $h!t hits the fan when I don't have school/college/work and have to be home for the large amounts of time. I'm (so help me, God) moving out within the next several months, but this place still makes me feel like I'm dying. I've had some neurological issues connected to a severe prolonged stress lately and I feel like my health is getting worse again. The Christmas break is killing me, I miss school, I miss being out of here, I miss being busy and not having to be around my family all the time. Their presence stresses me out so bad I'm nauseous, the sound of their footsteps in the hallway makes my heart rate increase crazily. Every time I talk to my parents they manage to say something hurtful between the lines. I think I may be suffering from neurosis, because I'm experiencing physical pain and symptoms that don't seem to be connected to any real disease/bodily dysfunction. I am nervous all the time, I can't sit without moving my foot back and forth, or playing with a pen etc. because I am so irritated and anxious I can't relax even for a second. My body is tired and sore because my muscles are super tense all the time. I have troubles falling asleep and I have nightmares.
I am slowly going completely crazy.
And it scares me so bad.
31-35, F
