My day today

Today was a rough day, but not quite as depressing as yesterday. I managed to get some grocery shopping done, treated myself to some fast food, went to the recovery center, and attended a meeting. On the outside, I got a few things accomplished. On the inside, I’m still struggling badly.

I’m emotionally exhausted, unhappy with where my life is right now, and fighting relentless thoughts of smoking crack. I’m tired of feeling lonely, tired of the monotony, and tired of feeling like I’m just existing instead of actually living. The cravings are getting harder to ignore, and honestly, I’m at a point where I don’t even care about the possibility of relapsing anymore. I know that’s a dangerous place to be, but I’m being honest about where my head is.

I’m not giving up on life, but I’m struggling to find a reason to keep fighting so hard when I’m this unhappy. I want something to change. I want peace, independence, connection, and a life that feels worth living. Right now, I’m just trying to get through one day at a time.